Thanksgiving might be the most wholesome holiday on the calendar. But let’s be real, it’s also prime time for some unwholesome energy. Between the gravy boats and the family drama, there’s something about the cozy chaos that makes you want to send a few texts that would definitely make Grandma clutch her pearls. Maybe it’s the wine, maybe it’s the carbs, maybe it’s that one person who looks way too good in flannel, but this year, we’re giving thanks and giving thirst with these 55 dirty Thanksgiving texts.
Gratitude hits different when you’ve got a little (pumpkin) spice in the mix. Forget just stuffing the turkey — it’s time to stuff those DMs with something juicier than, well… the actual turkey juice. Whether you’re turning your sneaky link into a full-course meal or keeping your situationship from going cold faster than the green bean casserole, these dirty Thanksgiving texts are the ultimate secret ingredient to a very satisfying holiday.
This year, I’m thankful for stretchy pants, second servings, and absolutely zero shame. Text your crush that you’d like a taste of their pie. Send your partner something to be thankful for later. Or remind your ex what they’re missing while you’re out here serving looks and leftovers. So grab your fork, pour another drink, loosen that belt, and prepare to feast because these texts are hotter than the oven at 400°F and twice as dangerous.
55 Dirty Thanksgiving Texts TO Send Your Crush:
- You can stuff my turkey.
- Gobble me up.
- Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade into my bed.
- Giving thanks (and head).
- Bring your appetite.
- My table’s set… for two.
- Your drumsticks look finger-lickin’ good.
- I’ll save you the wishbone if you make my wish come true.
- Wanna give me some pumpkin (cream) pie?
- You’re my favorite side dish.
- I’m full… of bad ideas.
- Let’s make our own gravy tonight.
- I want you on my dinner table — centerpiece style.
- My pants are already unbuttoned for dessert.
- Your pecan pie’s got me feeling a bit nutty.
- I’d love a taste of your apple pie.
- My cranberries are ready to burst.
- You can mash my potatoes anytime.
- You’re the main course.
- Let’s baste each other all night.
- That gravy boat ain’t the only thing dripping.
- Who can gobble faster?
- Your stuffing or mine?
- I’d like seconds… and thirds.
- Let’s give each other something to be thankful for.
- You make me feel warm like oven-fresh rolls.
- I’d let you butter my biscuits.
- Wanna glaze my ham?
- Forget the Thanksgiving leftovers — I only want fresh meat.
- Let’s see how long we can last before the turkey timer pops.
- I’ll show you what I’m thankful for.
- You’re the reason my pie’s rising.
- I want to sample your secret recipe.
- Let’s get “basted.”
- You’re hotter than my oven at 400°F.
- It’s a full-course kind of night.
- Who’s going to get stuffed first?
- I’m thankful for your hands (and where they go).
- I’ll bring dessert… and whipped cream.
- Let’s get cozy and “roll” around.
- I’m thankful for your stuffing technique.
- Come “fall” into my arms (and bed).
- I’m stuffed… almost.
- Wanna come over and “turkey trot” in my sheets?
- You can butter me up anytime.
- My gravy boat’s overflowing.
- I’ll save you the last bite.
- I’m feeling extra saucy tonight.
- Can’t wait to “gobble” something delicious.
- Wanna trade bites?
- You can drizzle your gravy all over my plate.
- I’m ready for my post-dinner nap… on you.
- My mashed potatoes aren’t the only thing creamy tonight.
- Forget the cornucopia because you’re all the abundance I need.
- Let’s make it a friends-with-benefitsgiving kind of night.
And there you have it: a full spread of texts that are equal parts naughty and nice. Go ahead, shoot your shot between bites of pie, and see who’s ready to gobble ‘til they wobble. Just remember: stay hydrated, pace yourself, and maybe… don’t accidentally send one of these to the family group chat. No one needs that kind of conversation across the dining room table.