If holiday chaos is already chewing you up and spitting you out, pause, unclench literally everything, and remember: nothing says “I deserve nice things” like a discounted, discreetly shipped silicone soulmate arriving on your doorstep for 40% off. While the masses are out there body-checking each other over iPhones and Owalas at sunrise, you’ll be locking down a Black Friday/Cyber Monday treat that buzzes, pulses, thrusts, rotates, or all of the above — and unlike your bare-minimum sneaky link, actually finishes the job. Consider it your festive PSA: pleasure should never cost full price, and these five Black Friday and Cyber Monday sex toy deals are the only holiday spread that actually matters.
Maybe you’re broke-but-brave (same), maybe you’re a self-certified orgasm sexpert, or maybe you just read “40% off” in the first graf and scrolled down faster than a wand on turbo mode. Whatever your vibe, you earned this. You survived cuffing-season delusion and the annual Thanksgiving interrogation: “So, seeing anyone?” No, Grandma. But thanks for the reminder that my longest relationship is with a rechargeable device.
This year, give thanks to the one person who never ghosts, malfunctions, or leaves you on read: you. Load your cart, secure your WiFi, and prepare to feast because these BF/CM sex-toy deals are the real main course. So, happy stuffing season — literally!
- #LubeLife
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‘Tis the season to… get slippery. #LubeLife is stocked with every texture, tingle, and temptation you could dream of. Water-based? Check. Warming? Oh yes. Anal, silicone, foaming, aloe, coconut — they’ve got more options than your holiday buffet. This season, they’re serving up 20%-30% off the good stuff, running 11/20–11/28, 11/20–12/01, and 11/29 – 12/01.
And whatever you do, don’t sleep on the #LubeLife Aromaplay Eucalyptus & Peppermint Massage Oil ($13), the minty aphrodisiac that basically turns your full-body massage into a revitalizing aromatherapy getaway. Because what are the holidays without a little festive tingle?
- Dame
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Why wait until the New Year to get your life together when you could get your O together right now? This female-founded sexual wellness brand is redefining pleasure, and their Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals (up to 40% off!) are already happening, so consider this your sign to treat yourself and your besties. Get something a little naughty and nice. Stocking stuffers? White elephant? Secret Santa? Done, done, and done.
The Dip Basic Vibrator ($36) is Dame’s best-selling beginner vibrator for a reason. Normally $44, it’s simple, smooth, and genuinely easy to use. The slim shape feels natural to hold and makes exploring what kinds of stimulation you enjoy way less intimidating. It works beautifully for both clitoral play and shallow internal penetration, giving you flexibility without any guesswork. The silicone has that soft, velvety feel that instantly makes things more comfortable, and the vibrations are steady, focused, and strong enough to reliably get you there without feeling overwhelming.
- LOVERS
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Look, we’ve all made fun of the Temu rose toy, but this one hits (yes, down there) different. The Inya Rose Vibrating Air Pulsator ($64) is basically the fairy godmother of clit and nipple stimulation — cute, powerful, and absolutely not here to play. Inspired by nature’s most flirtatious flower, this little bloom delivers those gentle air-pulse kisses while its soft silicone petals send good vibes (literally) everywhere you want them.
With seven power modes, waterproof stamina for shower shenanigans, and a vibe so discreet it could pass as “aesthetic home decor,” she’s pretty much the main character of your nightstand. Plus, she comes in red, pink, black, or white — a whole rose garden to match every mood, outfit, or existential crisis.
And because the universe clearly wants you to flourish, LOVERS is running 20% off sitewide for Black Friday from 11/16–11/30 with the code JUST4U, followed immediately by 30% off sitewide for Cyber Monday on 12/1–12/2 with the code CYBERSEX. So, go on. Let yourself bloom with this one.
- Smilemakers Collection
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Smilemakers Collection don’t just promise smiles — they practically plaster one on your face the moment you peek at their toy lineup. And now, with 20%–30% off almost everything, they’re basically handing out joy at wholesale prices, especially with their special package offers. Their Mind The (O)-Gap Bundle ($107), usually slated at almost $150, is now nearly $50 cheaper.
Inside the box of delights includes everything from the silky Generous Gel, the Slow massage oil, a Come Connected condom pack, a mood-setting Tender candle, and of course, the headliner — their Firefighter vibrator, equipped with four speeds and two pulsation modes. This bundle doesn’t just close the “O-gap.” It steamrolls right over it with a wink.
- Lovehoney
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Behold: the one wand that actually delivers holiday magic. From November 3 to December 8, this iconic Magic Wand Rechargeable Extra Powerful Cordless Vibrator ($120) is strutting in with a very merry 20% off — that’s a cool $30 you can spend on something else… or just more merry things.
This rechargeable legend packs serious “wish granted” energy: four turbocharged speeds, four toe-curling patterns, and a flexy neck that bends like it already knows what you’re thinking. Perfect for solo sorcery or co-piloted enchantment, this silky-smooth head hugs every curve, finding that spot with suspicious accuracy. In other words, if your holiday season needs a little extra sparkle (and maybe a few fireworks), this wand is ready to perform its magic.
Holiday chaos will fade, family drama will simmer down, and Mariah Carey will slip back into slumber — but your pleasure haul? That’s forever, and you’ve got bigger (and buzzier) priorities anyway. So, deck your halls, jingle your bells, and treat yourself to the only stocking stuffers that actually stuff back.