I am never one to make a New Year’s resolution, but I wanted 2019 to be different. On New Year’s Eve 2018 I sat down and made a list of small goals I wanted to work towards. These things included getting my flexibility back, going to yoga weekly, trying more foods, and curating a better relationship with my body. I realized all of these small goals were health related and very attainable. Yet, the one that I struggled with most was creating a better relationship with my body.
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Everyone’s relationship with their physical and mental wellbeing is different, and when I made this resolution I was at a pretty healthy spot with my body, but I still strived for improvement. As someone who has always been interested in health and fitness, I have spent many years perfecting my gym routine, but I was starting to get sick of it.
Being in college started to make my relationship with the gym unhealthy; I had to force myself to go, and when I did, I didn’t feel the same high that I used to. I had the same problem with food; living in a dorm meant that I wasn’t able to try new recipes and get excited about food as I had at home. I often resorted to eating the same meal everyday, or even twice daily. This was okay with me for a while, but then I began to realize that I was eating because it was a part of my routine, and not to nourish and fuel my body like it should’ve been.
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In my journal I wrote that I have to “listen to my body,” although I did not entirely comprehend what this entailed. As months began flying by I reminded myself of this goal daily. I would ask myself, do I have enough energy to go to the gym? Do I even want to? Am I eating that because I enjoy it? Or is it because I have to? When I started asking these questions it surprised me how much I answered no. No, I didn’t want to do the things I was doing, so I opted for change.
This ended up with me taking a break from working out for a bit; I changed my focus to yoga and meditation, and for the first time in around 3 years, I took a gym-hiatus. It felt wrong at first since working out was such a big part of how I maintained my mental health, but then it felt really good. I also started switching up my meals by buying new groceries and making food for myself in my room when I could.
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I am now back to the gym, and making sure to eat food that makes me happy… even if this means eating out every once in a while. I was scared that I relied so much on the gym and my structured eating habits that letting go of that would change me completely, but it didn’t. Instead, it made me have a healthier relationship with the gym and excited to go back. Having a healthy relationship with my body is something that is very important to me, and creating a healthy relationship with the gym and food only enhances that.
New Year’s resolutions don’t always work, but creating a healthy relationship with you physical and mental self is worth working toward!
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