Sometimes it’s way too easy to forget that the most important person in your life is you. Not your boss, not your situationship, not the group chat that’s been blowing up since 9 a.m. — you. You’re the main character. The CEO of your own wellbeing. And yes, that includes pleasure. One of the most underrated ways to take care of yourself is learning how to enjoy solo sex in ways that actually feel good.
Still, when it comes to carving out real-deal “me time,” most of us treat ourselves like an afterthought. But solo sex is self-care with benefits — the kind that helps you decompress, sleep better, and maybe stop snapping at people who absolutely don’t deserve it (fine, maybe one or two do). If you’re new to solo play, figuring out what’s comfortable, what feels good, and what’s even “normal” can feel weirdly intimidating. That’s why I turned to sex experts for guidance on beginner-friendly solo sex positions that are easy to try, satisfying, and won’t have you questioning your choices mid-session.
According to sex expert Alicia Sinclair, “The beauty of solo play is that there’s no ‘wrong’ position — it’s about discovering what feels good for your unique body.” Queer sex educator Gabrielle Kassel also tells Her Campus that “solo sex can be any meaningful act of pleasure or exploration of what might feel good.” With a few simple tips, solo play can be way more fun and way less messy. Whether you’re just curious, a total newbie, or looking to switch up your me-time routine, here’s what the pros suggest.
- Supported Missionary
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Starting in a relaxed position is key, and supported missionary is a great way to combine hands-on, and eyes-on, exploration. “Missionary is sexpert speak for lying on your back; supported missionary is a variation on the classic position that involves propping up your upper body via pillows or a headboard,” Kassel explains. “This slight elevation can make it easier to see what you’re doing when you touch yourself, which is great for those newer to doing so. Plus, it can bring your hands closer to your genitals, which can be especially helpful for people with limited hand mobility, chronic pain, or a larger belly.”
Sinclair also recommends starting in a position that feels most comfortable. “These allow easy access while keeping your body comfortable, and your mind focused on pleasure rather than maintaining a challenging position,” she says. “As you explore, pay attention to which positions allow you to maintain steady breathing and feel most natural — that’s your body telling you what works.”
For beginners, it can be useful to start with underwear on and explore sensation through fabric. “Run your hand along the leg holes, drag your nails up and down your length through the material, or gently play with the waistband or seams,” Kassel says. “If and when you feel ready, you can remove your underwear and continue a similar exploration directly on your skin, leaning into what feels good, interesting, or pleasurable in the moment.”
- Bathtime
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Warm water does a lot of the heavy lifting here, setting the mood before your hands even get involved. As sex therapist Kassel puts it, “Many people find warm water naturally relaxing, which is a plus because relaxation is a prerequisite for pleasure,” she says. “Try slowing down the pace of your usual soaping routine, gently massaging your arms, legs, neck, or hands, and noticing which sensations feel grounding or pleasant.” In other words, this isn’t the time to scrub like you’re late for work. Linger. Explore. Enjoy the feeling of your own skin under your own hands.
Once you’re settled into that slower rhythm, comfort becomes the name of the game. Because, as blissful as touch can be, skin sometimes has opinions. “Skin-on-skin contact can sometimes cause friction or irritation,” Kassel adds. “Adding a small amount of store-bought, water-based lubricant can help reduce chafing and make touch feel more comfortable. Water-based lube is beginner-friendly and versatile, since it’s compatible with all bodies, toys, and barriers you may want to use in the future.”
Finally, there’s no finish line here. The tub isn’t going anywhere — and neither are you. Sinclair notes, “The most important technique is giving yourself permission to take your time. Begin with sensual touching that isn’t goal-oriented—run your hands over areas that feel good, explore different types of touch and pressure. [Also] pay attention to your breath; when we get tense, we hold our breath, which actually limits pleasure. Deep breathing keeps you present and intensifies sensation.”
- Belly-down
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Lying belly-down, either flat or slightly angled, can be a comfortable option for beginners. This position allows your body to create gentle friction and pressure naturally, which can feel grounding and supportive without requiring complex movements or coordination. As Kassel explains, “Some people enjoy pressing their pelvis against a mattress, pillow, stuffed animal, or even their own hand. Another benefit is that a face-down position can feel less exposing. For some people, having their genitals facing upward can feel vulnerable or overstimulating, especially when they’re new to solo play.”
It’s also important to approach this kind of exploration with patience and self-compassion. As Sinclair points out, “First-timers often put pressure on themselves to orgasm or to enjoy things they’ve seen in the media rather than discovering their authentic preferences.” Starting with gentle, light touches and gradually increasing intensity helps avoid overstimulation, while prioritizing body-safe sex toys and uninterrupted privacy makes the experience more relaxed and enjoyable.
So, take your time, experiment, and remember: there’s no rush, no rules, and zero shame in discovering what actually makes you feel good. As Kassel says, “The best solo sex positions are the ones that are risk-aware, comfortable, and gender-affirming for you. If it feels pleasurable or explorative, it’s a great place to start.” Your body, your vibes, your rules. Own it, explore it, and maybe even laugh at yourself. After all, who else is going to make sure you’re this happy?