For as long as I can remember, I have been a runner.Â
From getting to elementary school early for the PTA run club to hustling to make cross country practice in middle school and high school, running was a constant that I could always rely on. I loved how the feeling of my feet pounding against the pavement and wind blowing through my hair paused the ever-constant stream of worries in my head. While most kids dreaded the weekly mile in P.E., I looked forward to the opportunity to have a clear mind, even if it was only for a few minutes. Running was my escape from my own head. That is, until high school.
FACING BURNOUT
After making my high school’s varsity cross country, my mindset towards running turned analytical. Instead of focusing on how running made me feel, I became fixated on consistently improving my times. Each meet suddenly became a reflection of my self worth, instead of a chance to test my training. The fear of regressing and underperforming caused my mind to be in a constant state of anxious spiraling, causing me to dread practices. Running, my one destresser, had now become the thing that stressed me out the most.Â
Over time, I began to associate running with emotional and physical discomfort, and as something to be avoided altogether. By the time my senior year of high school came to a close, I had not run more than a mile in several months.Â
THE SPARK
When I came to UCSB I knew that I wanted to stay active, but I didn’t think that I would do that through running. That is, until I met my hall mates.Â
At my first floor meeting, two girls mentioned that running was one of their hobbies. Naturally, this led to us all planning to go for a run together. At first, running became a way for us to explore UCSB’s sprawling, unfamiliar campus, but quickly our morning lagoon loop became routine. Whether we debriefed our days or stressed about our upcoming midterms, having this time to bond with my hallmates was something I began to look forward to.Â
Running became the glue to our friendship as our simple morning runs quickly shifted towards training for the Santa Barbara Half Marathon. Running had become a constant in my life again this time for the people, instead of the mileage. Throughout my many failures during fall quarter to find “my people” and succeed at UCSB, I knew that I could always count on the quality time spent with my hall mates on our long runs.Â
Beyond my hallmates, joining the UCSB Girl’s Run Club allowed me to find a community of girls who were also interested in running. Being a part of the club helped me learn that there are other ways to challenge yourself without competitive racing. Several girls, out of their own free will I might add, were seasoned marathon runners, and I began to appreciate having people to rely on for support and advice, not as coaches, but as fellow runners.
FINDING MY RUNNER’s HIGH
After running for several months at UCSB, I completed goals I never could’ve imagined. I finished my first half marathon side by side with one of my first friends at college. Shortly after, with the support of my run club friends, I set a personal record at the Ventura Half Marathon, my second official half marathon.Â
However, getting faster has only been the added bonus of learning to love running again. Running at college has become not just an escape from stress, but a way to connect with others and make new friends. Through taking the pressure off of pace or rank, I’ve been able to find the freedom in running. I’ve been able to feel grateful for the movement and focus on presence not progress.
UCSB has changed my mindset towards running, from a private way to process stress to meaningful quality time that can be shared with others. I’ve been able to find “my people” who have been by my side from sunrise runs in the pouring rain to half marathon finish lines. I can now sign up for races not to prove my worth, but to celebrate the joy that running brings me.
What will come next for me in running and in life?Â
I’m not quite sure, but I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.