In my sophomore year here at the University of Pittsburgh, I started what I thought would be an average, minimum-wage-paying student job: I became a member of the fitness staff. Little did I know that this position was not only an opportunity to work on mindless homework and a chance to scope out occasional eye-candy, it was also a MAJOR people watching destination. In the three years I have spent [wo]manning the front desks at both Baierl and Bellefield fitness facilities, I’ve noticed that the broad spectrum of gym-goers can be categorized into 7 discernable categories:
1.The Cardio Bunnies
This lulu lemon-wearing, kale-eating bunch tends to stick to the periphery of the gym, bouncing from treadmill to elliptical — MAYBE squeezing in a sit-up or two before calling it quits. No gains here, my friends…no gains at all.
2. The guys who skip leg day…
Remember that show, Johnny Bravo? Ok, so you get the picture. For those who neglect their lower bodies, please consider the following public service announcement: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR CHICKEN LEGS. Do us all a favor and pop a squat every once in a while, would ya!?
3. The chicks you don’t wanna mess with:
Reasons to love this generation: the days of “throwing like a girl” are long behind us. Today’s females are baddddd in the absolute best way. Don’t get me wrong — there’s no shame in the elliptical…but nothing is more impressive than a girl who can hold (and lift) her own in the weight room, right there with the guys. Something else I’ve noticed: the higher a girl’s pony-tail, the more ready she is to move some SERIOUS weight.
4. The New Years Resolutioners
Ah, my favorite. This #NewYearNewMe crew. For the regulars, fitness is a lifestyle, independent of the changing seasons. For others, however, motivation to work out comes from one looming week: SPRING BREAK. Hence, we have the resolutioners, who for two short months, strive tirelessly for the perfect beach bod. They’ll have mostly tapered off by March.
5.The ~Socialites~
I’m pretty sure these people burn just as many calories gossiping about their weekend as they do actually working out. This group of fine young men and women clearly make the hike up cardiac hill for reasons other than getting in shape. Typical conversations starters include “Dude, I was GONE last night,” and “yooo this one girl I got with…”
6.The ones who live at the gym…
These guys and gals mean serious business. For this crew, it’s ear-buds in, world-out: less talking, more grunting. Complete focus. Hashtag gains for days.
7.The gym couple…
They say couples that exercise together, stay together. I can say from my years of informal ethnographic research at both Bellefield and the Pete: it’s true. Nothing’s cuter than gym love — as long as PDA is kept to a STRICT minimum. Spotting each other while benching — that’s cute. Making out on the mats? NOT CUTE. …And in case you were wondering — Yes. I have seen it all.
Now one question remains…where do you fit in?