“We’re all crazy, some of us just hide it better than others.” –One Tree Hill
Yeah, I’m a little crazy. What can I say?! Actually, I can say something: you’re not the only one.
You’re not the only one who feels crazy. You’re not the only one who feels alone. And you’re definitely not the only one who keeps it to themselves and pretends everything is okay.
Credit: Veterans to Christ
I stopped pretending I was your average joe a long time ago. I also stopped making myself believe that I’m the only “crazy” person alive because I know for a fact that’s not true. Finally, I’ve stopped convincing myself that I can handle life alone. The truth is… no one can do life alone.
Having a support system is crucial, especially if you are open and honest with your support system. The most significant step I’ve taken this year regarding my mental health is understanding that I need help. We all need help! No one is done growing, strengthening their mind, their heart, or their body.
I resisted going to therapy for years. I always thought it was a wonderful tool for other people to take advantage of, but me?! No way in hell. I don’t have that many issues. I have extreme anxiety & Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder that I’ve had as long as I can remember, but I have worse things to deal with. It’s just a part of who I am and I will never get better. That’s truly what I believed. Why would I want to sit in front of a stranger and talk about my problems? That sounded like the worst idea anyone could come up with.
Credit: HS Insider
That was until my first day of sophomore year of college, when I had my first panic attack. Yeah… I didn’t believe myself either. I was convinced that when people used that term, they were “exaggerating.” Shame on me. Yes, some people do throw the term “panic attack” around loosely and are not aware that if used incorrectly, the impact of the term could potentially lose significance to some. However, with that being said, panic attacks are VERY real and paralyzing for many. I didn’t want to say it aloud: “I had a panic attack.” I thought that people wouldn’t believe me. I thought that people wouldn’t take my statement seriously. It sounds ridiculous, I know that now.
After discussing what I had experienced with my Mom and my brother, they urged me to go to therapy. I resisted. For weeks. That was nothing compared to the years that I resisted therapy. They kept nagging me. I didn’t understand why. Now I do. I made an appointment. Thirty minutes before my first appointment, my palms were soaked, I was shaking (when I say “shaking,” I mean really “shaking”). I wanted to run out of the waiting room as fast as possible. I didn’t, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
They called my name and my stomach dropped. In all other aspects of my life, I like to push myself to do things that I’m scared of. I strive for the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Why was I so afraid of improving myself mentally with the help of someone else? I wanted to handle everything all by myself. That was a childish way of thinking. I needed to humble myself to realize that I am not perfect and I can’t be the best version of myself without other’s open ears, words of advice, and examples of improvement all around me.
Now, I look forward to seeing my counselor every week. I’m not quite sure how I processed life in my mind all by myself before I sought out help. Talking to someone whose job is to have no judgment and to listen and help give you the tools to strengthen your mind and heal your heart- who wouldn’t want that?
If my vulnerability helps one soul, one soul to feel like you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you do not have to pretend everything is okay, then that is all I can ask for. Our stories of pair are written not to tear us down, but to build us up, tougher than ever before, and to be able to share those stories with people who are just now in the process of having theirs written. Share nothing but love with those around you. We are all pushing down pain in our hearts. xoxo