CONTENT WARNING: mentions of abuse, alcohol, and drug use
On Monday I said,
“Yeah, I know how to get there!”
I didn’t want to keep talking to him.
“I love you too!”
I’m not sure that I do.
“I don’t really want to go apple picking anymore.”
I really wanted to, but I felt guilty making him do something with me.
On Tuesday it was,
“I’m staying on top of my work!”
I’m so far behind, but she’ll hit me if I say that.
“I’m not even that high.”
I definitely was.
Wednesday was bad…
“I just went home for break, nothing exciting.”
I was dying to say I brought him home with me, but I’m not sure how you would react.
“I’m just leaving, actually,”
I had planned to stay, but I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
“I’m not disappointed!”
I’ve set myself up for disappointment, I feel like I shouldn’t complain about that.
“I would love some wine!”
I hate drinking, but I feel like I need to make up for lost time.
Thursday saw me say,
“It’ll be okay if I miss one class today!”
A blatant lie to myself and I knew it.
“I feel great!”
The crushing weight of my existence is sapping all my joy and energy.
“That was my bad, I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t, but I’ve made the same mistake and it doesn’t embarrass me anymore.
I know they would hate the attention, as I once did, and took the blame.
“I have time”
I did not have time. In fact, I wouldn’t have time for the next three days, either.
“I haven’t had to safety-pin anything in, like, three years!”
This one was stupid, I don’t know why I said it.
Friday I spent most of the day alone, but somehow I still managed:
“I don’t have a preference.”
The thought of McDonald’s made me gag, I would’ve much preferred Dugan’s.
“I think I’m sad. Like, crushingly sad, but beyond the point of feeling it.”
I know I’m crushingly sad and I feel it so much.
“I’ll take a Whiteclaw!”
I hate drinking, but I feel like I need to make up for lost time.
“I don’t want chocolate cake, but thank you for offering.”
I definitely wanted the cake, but I didn’t want him to spend the money on me.