It is an abyss. There seems to be no escape. It comes and goes without a warning. One moment you are enjoying the beautiful weather and the next moment everything seems to wither away. You feel like death inside and everything looks gothic. The things that brought pleasure and happiness seem dull. No amount of yoga or working out or watching a funny movie is going to fix an inch of what you are feeling. So what do you do? Do you talk about it or do you suck it up and believe that some higher power is going to appear and abracadabra all the black and toxic feelings? How do you tell your mom how your day went because you don’t know it yourself? Do you ask your friend for help? But then again, you don’t want to be a burden and deep down you know they will never understand. Even if they have been through what you have at the present, you know it’s different. Some like to compare their state to others who have it much worse and some feel even more awful than they already do because comparing doesn’t change the fact that they have what they have.
Art by Allie Brosh
Sometimes there is a reason. It could be childhood trauma, fear of the future, a broken heart, and sometimes there is no reason. The funniest thing is it all sounds cliche when we confide it to someone, but to us, it is our whole life, our whole world exploding in front of us. You learn to suck it up, you learn to help others who feel this way, you learn to shut out from your friends and your family. You have panic attacks in the middle of a class, you wake in the middle of the night and start crying, you lose your appetite. Then you decide to accept it. You go to a therapist, “Yes, you have depression,” they say.
Art by A Zillion Dollar Comics
“Wow, thank you so much for such an insight, I had no idea.”
They give you medicine; you either take the meds and get better but also become addicted and dependent on the meds because it gives you an escape from all those melancholy feelings. You cry and cry till you can shed no more tears. You still laugh, you watch sitcoms to make you laugh but at the end of the day, the deafening silence kills you and you go back to your claustrophobic hole.
Art by Ryan Pequin
If you feel this way it does get better. Time won’t heal every time but it sure does shield. It will still hurt like it does when you try to scratch a scab off your wound but it will slowly and steadily get better, Don’t give up, you can’t see what’s ahead of you because of that inner evil voice of anxiety won’t let you see it. The voice is your enemy and your destruction. You ignore it and you take control of your own life. It will be hard, really really hard but not impossible and once you do you would start feeling better. It won’t magically make you happy and shiny but it will sneak its way and bring light through all the darkness and always remember there is someone out there who is going to listen, so never be afraid of speaking up. This is a disease and there should be no shame in talking about it.
Art by Jacqueline
“Everyone has a different description of their depression. For me, depression is like this invisible force weighing on top of you, so heavy that it makes it almost impossible for you to stand with your own feet again.”- an excerpt from someone suffering depression.