When I first started going to therapy, I was in the sixth grade. I was being bullied by some of the guys in my class and my mom took me to see the therapist that was treating my brother. I never knew what to say, so I sat there most of the time and read the titles of the psychology books in his office, played games on my iPod or stared at the small dragon that hung from the ceiling of his office. When I did talk about what was happening at school, he gave me terrible advice; he told me that the boys who were bullying me at school only did so because they had a crush on me. Even if that were true, that didn’t explain why the girls I considered friends talked behind my back and excluded me in almost everything they did.
I was a freshman in high school when I saw my second therapist. From the start, I didn’t like her. She created a whole treatment plan to help conquer my social anxiety. I don’t know how far we actually got in the plan. I hated talking about my feelings because I never knew how to put my feelings into words. There was one night where I completely shut down. At first I zoned out because I didn’t want to answer any more questions. Eventually I became unable to talk and just stared at an empty space of wall. Neither my therapist nor my mom knew that I was genuinely unresponsive. My mom drove me home and I laid in my bed and cried because I didn’t know what was happening. I stayed home the next day because I couldn’t leave my bed. I stopped going to therapy altogether a few weeks after that incident.
I’ve been with my current therapist for about two years. I had been released from the hospital on the grounds that I start seeing a therapist again. About two or three months into seeing my new therapist, I started to feel like it was useless and I wasn’t getting any better. My therapist told me that it was my decision, but she thought I should continue with my sessions for at least another month. I did and it was probably the best decision I could have made. I have a better relationship with my therapist now than I ever had before.
I am scared to look for a therapist in Richmond. It to me five years to find someone who I could talk to openly and I don’t want to start that whole process over again. Part of having a successful experience in therapy is being comfortable and open with your therapist.