My senior year of high school began with heartbreak — an ending that ultimately and unexpectedly cost me my best friend. A week before the start of my senior year, my first boyfriend left me devastated in the wake of a breakup that completely caught me off guard. But I hadn’t felt the true weight of loss until I lost my best friend a few weeks later. Within a month, I had lost my first love and, more importantly, I had lost my person.
Friendships are what ground us when the world feels like it’s shattering. My best friend was my anchor, and her absence had a loud impact on my life.
In the two years since I’ve graduated high school, I’ve taken the time to reflect on all that I’ve learned since my relationship with her ended. Healing from a friendship breakup is just as, if not more, difficult than healing from a romantic one.
Between movies, books, and articles like this one, there is an abundance of media that teaches you to move on from heartbreak. However, there is no universal script for moving on from a friendship that once felt like family. Here’s what I’ve learned about navigating the loss of a best friend and finding peace in the aftermath.
Accept that closure may never come.
For a long time, I remained hopeful that she would reach out, but I quickly learned that closure isn’t always guaranteed. Sometimes the people we love leave without a clear explanation, and we have to learn to accept the unanswered questions. While it’s tempting to dwell on every “what if” scenario, ruminating over the past will only prolong the pain. Instead, I focused on accepting that the chapter had ended and that I might never receive the closure I longed for.
Allow yourself to grieve.
Undeniably, losing a friendship is a form of grief, and it is one that isn’t talked about enough. I went through the same stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually acceptance, and it was harder when the person I most wanted to talk to was the one causing me pain. It’s okay to cry over loss, and it is okay to feel hurt, betrayed, and even resentful. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without suppressing them, and take the time you need to reflect and process the loss.
Lean on your support system.
When I lost my best friend, I felt completely alone. Even surrounded by a supportive friend group, family, therapist, and guidance counselor, my world felt impossibly lonely without my best friend by my side. It took time, but it is important to lean on more than one person when you need support.
I had spent so long romanticizing “the perfect high school ride-or-die duo” that I grew up watching on television. When I was 17, I was convinced this girl would be my maid of honor someday, and losing her taught me that you do not need one ride or die best friend.
It is okay to allow different people different keys to different doors of your personality. Some open my laughter, some my secrets, and some my vulnerability. One person does not have to hold every key to every door and it took me a long time to learn that.
Today, I defer to that same group of friends who supported me at my lowest, and I rely on them when I need a fresh perspective or some sense knocked into me. Reaching out to others that love you can be a powerful reminder that your world hasn’t completely come apart, so lean on the people that are there to catch you when you fall.
Find closure in self-growth.
As hard as it was to lose my best friend, I learned to find peace with myself from within. A part of me relied on that friendship for my happiness, and it ended with messy, tangled emotions that hit every nerve. When I realized I wasn’t getting closure, I poured my energy into academics, extracurriculars, and invested in friendships that brought me joy.
Every time I reflected on what I had lost, every corner I turned was full of reminders of how lucky I was to have a circle filled with healthy, happy, supportive friendships I cherished. Over time I learned that healing isn’t about getting over the friendship, but growing beyond it.
Be open to new friendships.
The best thing that happened to me was opening myself up to form friendships beyond what I had confined myself to during my first three years of high school. For a long time, I was sure that I would graduate high school without the idealized, perfect best friend I had once imagined. But when my time came to walk the stage, I found myself surrounded by not one, but more than ten people I knew I could count on for anything. From IB exams to prom, graduation, and a senior all-night party, I had no idea that a summer full of love and support awaited me.
Being open to new friendships doesn’t mean forgetting the past — it means embracing the possibility of fresh, fulfilling relationships.
Forgive and let go.
Forgiveness does not mean excusing what happened. It means releasing the resentment that holds you back. Whether it was a misunderstanding, a betrayal, or simply growing apart, learning to let go of bitterness helped me move forward.
There are days I sit and reflect on our friendship, reminiscing old texts, pictures, and memories of someone I was convinced would be beside me for the rest of my life. The first birthday without her, the first big event where her absence felt like a missing piece — each milestone served as a painful reminder of what once was. But over time, I learned to cherish what we had, and accept that it was over.
As the months passed, I realized that she and I had grown in our time apart, turning into people who didn’t fit into each other’s lives. Mentally, I forgave her and wished her well, and the weight I had been carrying for so long finally began to lift.
By my last semester of high school, I was thriving in ways I had never anticipated. Letting go of the past had made room for new experiences, deeper connections, and a version of myself I was proud of. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes, losing people makes space for the growth we never saw coming.
Healing from a friendship breakup is a journey, not a destination. Some days, you’ll miss them. Some days, you’ll feel indifferent. And one day, you’ll realize that you no longer ache for what was lost — you’re simply grateful for what once was and what’s yet to come.