The brain that never stops: Living and dealing with anxiety

College is stressful. Life is stressful. Heck! Picking an outfit for the day is stressful. We all experience stress on a day-to-day basis because we’re prone to it. People that experience overwhelming stress have a whole other story. Overwhelming stress can get deep inside the head and this leads to a higher level of stress. If a person doesn’t take the time to relax when experiencing overwhelming stress over and over again, they are prone to the worse type of stress: anxiety.

Anxiety isn’t stress that comes and goes. It’s always there, creeping in the darkest corner of the mind. It sneaks up and attacks at the worst times and for the worst reasons. It’s nothing close to the everyday stress we experience. True anxiety is a mind killer. It makes a person feel anxious and is a constant distraction, frustration and pain – whether it be mental or emotional. The worst part about anxiety is that the brain never stops to take a moment and breathe.

Anxiety is not something that can be seen. It’s torment built inside our heads and it’s not something that can easily be erased. A person with anxiety stresses over every little thing 24/7. This can make it hard to focus on daily activities, accomplish specific tasks or even sleep because the mind won’t stop or rest for even a second. Although this is a common and relatable symptom to most who experience anxiety, we must keep in mind that every persons mind works differently than others. I for one experience anxiety in a different manner.

I worry and stress over nearly everything. I don’t know if it’s because of the excessive amount of caffeine I drink or if it’s the lack of sleep. Once I wake up, I worry and stress over how my day is going to go. After the stress building day, I’ll worry over whether I’ll have a nightmare or dream in my sleep that night. I’ll also question how tomorrow will go; whether it will be a good or bad day all over again. It’s a never ending cycle of unnecessary stress.

My mind works at an extreme pace. I talk, think, work, move, eat and practically do everything imaginable at a fast pace. This can get me worked up in an anxious manner, and it’s difficult to cope with at times. My heart rate increases and I can hear and feel my heart beats pound when my head is at its most vulnerable state. I’ve been told that doing something relaxing, such as yoga, could help this, but I’ve never been the relaxing type. I get fidgety when I sit too long, or I’ll think of something else I could be doing instead of wasting time.  

My body shakes excessively. When I become extremely frustrated, my body becomes a maraca in a mariachi band. My body gets tense and aches with pain from the shaking. It makes me self-conscious enough when I’m alone experiencing it, but when I’m around others it only makes me feel worse.

I can’t be in a large crowd for over three hours. Never once have I had social anxiety or fear talking to people. I enjoy being around friends, family and others. I’ll go to large events and have a great time, but once it reaches the second to third hour of the event, I shutdown and become jumpy in an anxious manner. I feel like running away because I become uncomfortable in the situation all of a sudden. I don’t understand why I act this way, but I can’t help myself.

I get to myself. I get these negative thoughts that make me feel depressed. I’ll start talking myself into believing that I’m alone and have no one there for me, even though I do. The emotions I have are bottled up and make me feel even more depressed as I continue to put myself down. This is the worst thing about my anxiety, but I can’t change it.

Anxiety kills the mind because it overthinks and causes unnecessary distraction in one’s daily life. It’s like the brain keeps trying to run through a brick wall, but it won’t bust. The worst part is that it never ends. The brain that never stops is the brain a person should never have to experience. It not only kills the mind itself but the soul as well. It’s hard to be oneself when anxiety doesn’t allow it.