Throughout my life, high school in particular, I have struggled with my self-esteem and for a while I was never really happy in my skin. After I quit soccer, a sport I had played for over 10 years, I began to feel inadequate. I wasn’t getting the same level of physical activity I always had, and I felt like it showed.
At least that’s what I told myself in the mirror.
I hurt my mind and my body for a while with my words because society made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I started feeling like I looked like a child, rather than the woman I wanted to be. It was heightened by the start of my relationship because I never seemed to believe the compliments I received. And social media certainly never helped either, with that damn Instagram algorithm always putting fitness bloggers and models in my explore page when all I really wanted to look at was crappy memes and dog videos.
Related: Why I Stopped Looking At Social Media For Fitness Inspiration
The media encouraged my overthinking to become something uncontrollable. But I decided to take control of something I could. Exercise. And I decided that I wouldn’t let exercise be a tool to hurt me, but rather help me. People can so quickly get caught up with just getting results from exercise that they forget about what else it can provide to them. For me, exercise has given me a whole new perspective on life and on myself because I decided to control it rather than let it control me.
I started off small. You won’t find me at the gym pumping iron or anything because I’m likely doing another Blogilates workout video in my dorm (I highly recommend these BTW). Cassey Ho, the creator of Blogilates is the person who really kick-started my perspective switch through her workout videos. Her videos are relatable AF and she is open and honest about her fluctuating weight and own difficulties with exercise. Her openness towards the side of health and fitness I didn’t always see in the media helped me to love my body more and more.
Related: Why I Blogilates
Exercise has given me confidence, not in the sense that I think I’m the most beautiful or fit person in the room, but that I no longer feel the need to compare myself to other people to feel validated. I decide what it means to be confident in myself now and don’t let others control my value. I love my body and feel beautiful because I have decided what that means.
I feel proud in myself knowing that I am accomplishing goals in fitness, even if they are small, and I love to know that I’m making my body stronger every day. After I finish a workout I feel like the badass women I should, and I feel like I can conquer any challenge I face.
Because exercise hasn’t just changed the way I look, it more importantly has changed the way I see myself. I learned that treating your body with respect is the greatest thing you can do for it and your confidence. Loving your body is a process though, and it takes time to find what makes YOU feel good. There are so many different kinds of exercise out there, from yoga, to Pilates, to cardio (my personal least favorite, damn asthma), to workouts you can do without even getting out of bed. I encourage you to find a kind of exercise that makes you happy, not because of the endorphins or the results, but because at the end of the day it makes you feel good about the beautiful body you’ve been given. Loving yourself is 5% physical and 95% mental, remember that.