Self-love isn’t about feeling confident every moment—it’s about refusing to let society’s beauty standards define your worth.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve wondered why loving ourselves is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do. Being a plus-size girl for almost all my life and having been on the receiving end of countless pieces of advice on how I should lose weight, it is safe to say that my journey to self-acceptance has been full of doubts and apprehensions. The societal norms of beauty tend to make me spiral into the thought that I don’t fit, like how losing a few inches would make me more “beautiful” or how I should join a gym in order to be my “best self.”.
It’s not easy to constantly compare ourselves with the people around us and think of countless changes we should make to be likeable enough. I have compared myself to more people than I am proud to admit. It is difficult not to feel insecure about your body when society constantly presents an image of the “perfect” body shape.
What we often forget is that every person has their own body struggles, and flaunting their bodies—despite the difficulty of achieving or maintaining such a figure—is their way of overcoming their apprehensions. The stigma attached to being a plus-size girl has heightened my anxiety a few notches more.
You read all those articles about overcoming insecurities and gaining confidence in your body. You see body-positive influencers and try to follow their advice, doing everything to accept yourself. But sometimes, all the walls you have built around yourself come crashing down with just one snarky remark. You think you have moved past those feelings, but suddenly, one hurtful comment makes you vulnerable again, undoing all your progress in seconds.
At this stage of vulnerability, I choose to close my eyes to the words that try so hard to bring me down. Because, at the end of the day, I know that self-love isn’t about being happy with myself—every part of me—every single moment. That’s not realistic. It’s about me not demeaning myself or trying to push my limits more than I have already done to fit in.
But one thing I have learned over the years is that people will always find flaws in how you look, how you behave, how you dress—something, anything. Do know that the people who said all those things are not worth sticking around to. I am so grateful to have found friends who always remind me that I am beautiful just as I am.
There will be days when you feel low, but the first step in the right direction is to accept those emotions. These feelings aren’t undeserving. It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to give 30% of yourself on the days you only have 30% to give. There’s nothing shameful about it. It’s all part of the journey of learning to love your body despite its flaws.
There are times when you want to feel confident when you want to stand out—and trust me, that moment will come. Be patient with your emotions, and accept your body a little more each day. Even something as small as telling yourself, “You look fresh,” or “You look pretty” in the morning is a good way to start. Let yourself accept the compliments coming your way. Do not think that someone can only say this to you to be nice, but just let yourself believe that it’s true. Do not be that hard on your body.
It is not easy to always feel like you are extra. It isn’t easy to forget that we don’t fit—that the society we live in does not consider a plus-size body beautiful. The standard notions of how a woman should look rarely, if ever, include a plus-size figure.
Yes, these feelings hurt. But you have to be strong against them. It won’t be easy. It will be a battle every day. But remind yourself: You are stronger in these emotions. You don’t need to fit into anything or anywhere to love yourself for who you are. Your size does not determine your worth. You are so much more than how you look, and if someone cannot see or appreciate that, they do not deserve to know you.