As the oldest sibling, I’ve often felt like the guinea pig as I navigated big changes in my life; My mom and dad were experiencing all of my firsts as parental first-timers themselves, and I never had an older sister to turn to for advice or forewarnings of what my near future might hold. This could never have been more evident as I experienced my first year of college, when I not only decided to move a few hours away to a new state and much bigger city, but also a place in which I had no family or friends, and no one from my high school at all, for that matter. It was a new start from the ground up, and the lessons learned throughout my freshman year were embedded within the culture shock of a completely new life. I wouldn’t have had it any other way because I’m a firm believer that the most substantial growth happens when you’re in the most unfamiliar (and often uncomfortable) circumstances, which proved true for me. That being said, there were certainly times I wished I’d had an older sister to talk me through and encourage me. Now going into my third year of college, I’m close enough to my first year that it’s still fresh in my mind and relevant to my daily life, yet far enough removed to reflect and share some of the most pivotal and foundational lessons I ultimately learned.
You are your own “aesthetic”
The summer before my freshman year, I spent hours scrolling through Pinterest, organizing boards for outfit and dorm inspo. Each board was meticulously curated to embody ultra-specific “aesthetics” I had seen online, varying with activities, weather, etc. I scavenged all of the thrift stores in my area and splurged at the mall to accumulate both a wardrobe and bedroom that would look like they fell out of my Pinterest boards. I wanted to embody a specific “vibe”, but what specifically, I didn’t know. I could be anyone I wanted in a place where no one would know me. What kind of girl did I want to be?
Upon unpacking on campus, I realized that neither my dorm nor my closet perfectly matched any kind of “aesthetic” options I had formed in my mind. Sure, bits and pieces were inspired by the staples, but they didn’t mesh together in a way that screamed anything specific. As I settled in, I further realized that there really was no area of my life- hobbies, music taste, academic pursuits- where I felt like I fit into one specific category. Why had I placed so much emphasis on trying to put myself in one?
Every person is a mosaic of the people and things that they love, and that’s exactly how it should be. There’s an immense pressure, especially with the rise of social media, that in order to find community and a sense of belonging, we should strive to adhere to certain ways of presenting ourselves and participating in specific activities. Not only does this encourage a generation of teens and young adults to conform rather than embrace their own passions and quirks, but it also encourages them to shy away from trying new things and meeting new people. You can be a part of many different groups, have a wide range of friends in your life, passion projects in your spare time, or “aesthetics” in your closet. That’s what makes you YOU, and brings community to your doorstep. If I could send the memo to freshman girls preparing for their new life at university, I would tell them this: You are your own “aesthetic”. No Pinterest board or club can define this about you, and it shouldn’t. It may sound corny, but it’s true. Embodying the diversity in what you love is what makes you so genuine, radiating from the inside out. The most “aesthetic” people I know are the ones exploring every facet of their interests and being confident in the ways that these pieces them together to make them who they are as individuals.
The right people will find you
Once I got in the groove of college life, I realized that making friends that stuck was proving to be a more difficult feat than I’d been anticipating. I like to consider myself a bubbly person- I can be outgoing when I need to be, so meeting new people was really no problem. I was honestly excited to find myself in situations where I needed to exercise this part of myself, learning more about who I was if not surrounded by the friends I’ve known since childhood. That being said, I sometimes found myself feeling more alone in a group of people than if I were simply by myself. Nothing was wrong; it just felt like something wasn’t clicking right. Like a shoe that’s just a half-size too small. It’s doable, but you can already feel your heel beginning to chafe. I wished so badly that I had an older sister to tell me what I should do; was I just homesick for my best friends? Was I too awkward? Was I too much of something and not enough of the other? Or were there people out there who would potentially feel like a better fit for me?
It didn’t take long for the pieces to fall right into place. Just by going about my life, taking my classes, and doing things I enjoyed, I ended up meeting my closest friends. As for my now roommate, I met her just the second or third week of school, as we were paired together as lab partners. She made some niche TikTok reference within the first few minutes of lab, and I instantly knew that we would be friends. We were inseparable from that point forward, and spent nearly every day with each other moving forward. It was such a breath of fresh air, with an innate feeling that things were exactly how they were supposed to be. I remember calling my mom to tell her that I had found someone who made me feel at home. In the same way I felt at ease with my friends from high school, I felt at ease with her. This has continued to be true even beyond freshman year, and if I could go back in time, I would reassure myself that the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. You’ll never have to feel like you’re forcing a friendship that fits, because it’ll feel like the most natural thing in the world. Letting the right people find you is the best way to find lasting friendships, especially ones that adore you for who you are, support you, and push you to grow.
Say YES to everything
That being said, you 100% have to put yourself out there to find your people and your places. A piece of advice that my dad actually gave me was to “say yes to everything” (obviously within reason). I still live by this, and as an older sister myself, I will be telling my little brother the same thing. You never know the people you will meet or the opportunities that may come up when you simply say “yes” and tag along on whatever adventure. It can be really difficult when you’re staying so busy trying to balance sleep and academics on top of a social life, but it’s arguably the most necessary part of freshman year. I nearly always said yes- whether I felt “too tired”, “too broke”, or it was “too last minute”- I buried the thought and went along anyway. I always managed to make time for my homework, so the sleep inevitably had to be sacrificed, but it was well worth it.
Spontaneous weekend trips, nighttime explorations, “family dinners” with friends- they all led me to consistently spend time with the people I care about, meet new people, and have stories that will stick with me forever. One of my biggest gains from such an eager mindset was the way that my freshman biology lab group became like a second family to me. We had routine dinner nights, sweet treat runs, and explored the city. These close-knit friendships wouldn’t have been able to grow the way they did if I hadn’t consistently made time for them. For many universities, your freshman year is the only year you will live on campus, and this was true for me. It was the only time that all of my friends, classes, and daily hangout spots were a 5-minute walk from each other. Be down for anything and just say “yes”; Your whole college community is at your doorstep (quite literally), so the possibilities are nearly endless. You never know how your life may change just from a single experience.
The grass is greener where you water it
Speaking of making time for the people you care about, a saying that resonated with me quite heavily my freshman year was that “the grass is greener where you water it”. This watering of the grass is an ebb and flow relationship, as is nearly everything in life. There were times when I needed to focus more heavily on my schoolwork, making my social life kind of dry in a sense. Once I watered my academics, it was time to pick up the slack in my social life. You also can’t forget that you deserve to be taken care of, too.
When making new friends, it was a huge priority for me to consistently spend time with them. I wanted to make sure that the foundations of these relationships were being built to last. I wanted to show that I’m the kind of friend who will show up, rather than letting new friendships fall on the back burner. This also made things less stressful in times when my studying took the forefront, because my friends knew that I wasn’t simply blowing them off. And amongst all of this, prioritizing yourself throughout such a busy year is not only necessary, but also well deserved. Those workout classes and nights-in to yourself are essential for taking care of yourself.
You can’t be everywhere doing everything all at once, although there will be times you’ll certainly try to. As an older sister, I would advise that you tuck the saying in your back pocket and remember it when the times get tough or hectic throughout your freshman year. Being in tune with the needs in different areas of your life can make maintaining your friendships, your academics, and your “me-time” so much easier, because you’re aware of what needs attention or growth.
Ultimately, you will be okay
Through the ups, downs, and adjustments of freshman year, the pieces will ultimately fall into place. When you take a step back, you’ll realize that you’ve learned so much about yourself and grown in ways you never considered before. I definitely wished I had an older sibling to guide me through my first year of college, but I had so many formative experiences for myself that continue to shape me even in hindsight. Forewarnings and advice can only take you so far anyways, so just embrace every aspect, from the heartbreaks and discomforts to the big wins and inside jokes. All that is to say that at the end of the day, you will be okay.