I used to think rest days were for lazy people, until my body forced me to take one.
Exercise has been at the top of my list of priorities since high school, when I ran track and cross country for all four years. I ran almost every day of those years. I loved the feeling that it gave me: the wind hitting my face was therapeutic, the sweat was refreshing, and every time I would get a runner’s high, I felt unstoppable.
If I ever missed a run that I meant to go on, my day was pretty much ruined. I didn’t feel like my best self when I didn’t move my body. When I took a rest day, I would go on a walk or a light Peloton ride.
Halfway through high school, when my times were greatly improving, I started to notice that wanting to run for the therapeutic aspect was becoming mixed with guilt. Sometimes I would miss a run and get hit with the feeling that I wasted my day, was losing progress, or wasn’t good enough. It was unshakeable until I got injured at the end of my senior track season.
I had developed a heel injury and was absolutely devastated. All summer, I felt worthless knowing that I couldn’t run without making my heel worse. The guilt overtook me and ate at me every day. I was still riding my Peloton and going on walks, but knowing that I couldn’t do the one thing I used to be amazing at made me feel like a disappointment.
When I started college, things began to change. My heel was healing, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to run every day. Thankfully, my school’s gym was filled with new machines I hadn’t tried before and a wide variety of fitness classes.
By the end of my freshman year, my injury had healed, and so had my mindset. I learned through my injury that it’s okay to take a break or a step back, even if it isn’t intentional or what I expected. In a way, I think that the injury was a blessing in disguise. It made me realize how hard I had been pushing myself throughout high school and how badly I needed to change my approach.
Throughout my freshman year, I tried a variety of new ways to exercise. My absolute favorite thing to do was go to HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) classes. HIIT combines short bursts of cardio and strength into one workout. Being a runner already and having strong endurance, it was right up my alley. The instructors were so motivational and kind, making me want to keep coming back. I started going to at least two HIIT classes a week, accompanied by light treadmill running on other days. Having a little variety was the first step.
As the year went on, I branched out even more. I tried pilates and loved it, as well as boxing and different yoga classes. I tried the stairmaster and stuck with it. Sometimes, I would lift weights with a friend… only when I was with a friend, though, because I had gym anxiety when it came to lifting since I had no idea what I was doing.
By the end of the year, my weekly gym schedule varied greatly, and I realized that I had changed my mindset when it came to exercise for the better. Instead of a chore, it felt like an internal reward to be able to move my body. No matter what I was doing, running, a HIIT class, pilates, or lifting weights, I began to feel accomplished.
I was so motivated by movement that I applied to be a Group Exercise Instructor at the gym, just like my favorite instructor at the time, whose class I went to weekly during my second semester. She definitely inspired me to want to be the person she was for me–someone who doesn’t just lead a class, but motivates people to want to move.
The summer brought more big changes. I signed up for a half-marathon with my best friend, so I began to run more. My family had also just moved from New Jersey to Virginia, and our new neighborhood included a clubhouse with a gym, motivating me to finally start lifting on my own. I also got accepted into the eight-week Group Exercise Prep Course. I was so excited and eager to get back to school and start.
When I got back to school, I branched out even more at the gym. I began lifting consistently and started training to be a HIIT instructor. I made friends who were training for other formats, like boxing and full-body strength, and I went to their classes to support them. To top it all off, my favorite instructor became my mentor.
I’m writing now in the best place possible. I’ve passed the course, which means I’ll be starting the job next semester, and I’ll have the opportunity to be what my favorite instructor was to me. My half-marathon is in two weeks, and I’m so excited to do something I’ve loved for so long with someone I love so much. Most importantly, my relationship with exercise is better than it has ever been.
My schedule now looks like a few days of running and the stairmaster, a few days of lifting, and one or two exercise classes a week. The variety is the best thing for me because movement in general has become so enjoyable. (Also, not doing the same thing every day has definitely decreased my exercise fatigue!)
It’s almost ethereal, realizing how important movement has become for me, not for the physical benefits but for the joy of it all. Exercising is the one time of day that I can turn everything else off–all of my worries, responsibilities, and anxious thoughts. It’s just my mind and my body, one with each other, working together to make me feel good.