Her Story: I can admit my flaws

In most of my writing, I always speak about me overcoming obstacles in my life. But today’s article I want to focus on the main issues in my life that I am trying to overcome, and hopefully you all can relate too. 

I struggle with always needing validation from others. Whenever I am scared of making a choice, or struggling with an issue, or something simple like “Hey, which picture should I post on Instagram?”, I have found myself in a habit of needing an answer from my friends on how I should live my life. 

The big issue with this, I need to be my own person and march to my own beat. I need to have more trust in myself to make my choices and do what I want to do. Which, of course, easier said than done, right?

I think another one of my biggest struggles that connect to this issue is knowing my faults, a and I know the sole reason why I do most of these things, but yet I continue to ignore that I need to change it, and instead of fixing it, I just continue to self- sabotage my life.

Here is a class A example. I know, not to text that person who has no interest in me and has made it clear, they do not want me. Why? Because I am going to get even more emotionally attached to someone who does not want that type of relationship with me, and I am going to be heartbroken. 

So, here is the Jess equation of that situation. 

Logical answer: Stop texting that person.

Jess answer: Blow up the phone and confess all my emotional feelings.

Outcome: Jess crying in her room for a week

Reflecting: I did that because even though I knew it was going to end in a disaster, I was still searching for that validation from that person. I wanted that person so desperately to say they wanted me…and you know how the song goes. 

Or another thing I am struggling with, comparing myself to everybody. I have been on Instagram for hours, strolling through girls’ pages, and thinking “they are so perfect, those eyebrows, I need to get mine done like that. Or wow her clothes are so cute, I need high-waisted pants” (I do realize I sound insane,) I realize also, I sound childish,  But honestly, the cure is something, I have not to master and still am working with. Confidence.

I can sit here and say I am a more confident person now then I was around this time last year, and the year before that and the year before, and on and on. (which is true). or myself and finding who I am.  Progress is going well, but I still have much more to go.  

But I wrote this, honestly one to vent. It such a good self-cleanse, when you get to write your feelings out. But also, to let my fellow girls (and guys) know, it is okay to not be 100% where you want to be.

It is okay to admit you are struggling, and it does not have to be, to the extreme of being severely depressed. It can be not feeling pretty today or being sad your jeans do not fit. Having confidence issues, those are okay to say out loud and admit. 

Sometimes it better to speak about it and admit it. Admitting it is always the first step. 

One day I am going to be that girl who can make her own decisions without consulting anybody, I am going to be that girl who will post on Instagram and gives zero F’s how many likes I get, and I am going to find that person who loves how much I blow up their phone. (Well I can dream right?)

But it not today, but I can be honest that it is not going to be today. Because healing is not a straight line, it is a hill that can go up one second and down the next. It takes time and patience. 

So, do not rush your self- love journey. Give yourself a break and admit your flaws. But do not hate yourself for having them.