Setting boundaries is something essential. It is something that has become popularized within social media and is something that is highly promoted in some theories. Setting boundaries and understanding your limitations are important. Still, while all the benefits are listed online, we seldom hear about the complex parts.
Setting and knowing your boundaries and limitations is a process. They can be hard to set if you have yet to identify your boundaries. It is all fine and dandy to say you need your boundary set, but it is challenging to figure out what they are. Sometimes you don’t know what your boundaries are until you get triggered. Sometimes boundaries can be easy to find. For example, it is easy to understand that you need to respect yourself and your space. But respecting yourself and your space can be harder when you need to set boundaries with the people you love. What is often not told is that finding out what boundaries you need to set and how you consistently set them is ongoing. It is not a quick-fix solution often portrayed in social media posts.
Setting boundaries with loved ones can be, in particular, very difficult. It can be very difficult to understand that love is not unconditional but does, in fact, come with conditions as you grow older. It can be difficult to unlearn that saying no to people consistently is not an easy task. More often than not, recognizing having to set a boundary with people you are close with is a hard pill to swallow. A lot of guilt can come from setting boundaries with people you are very close to. Reframing some of the ways you act with an ideology takes more than simply stating that you need to set a boundary. When setting boundaries with loved ones though recognition is difficult, repetition can be even more difficult. Saying that you may need your space or some time to yourself is easy. Constant practice of creating space for yourself is more difficult. It can be difficult when the people you love and are surrounded by, do not have the vernacular to comprehend what setting boundaries are. Often loved ones can get offended when you set boundaries with them, making it increasingly difficult. It is something not often talked about on social media, as what is often talked about is the benefits of setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries with friends and loved ones can also be isolating. While you’re creating space for yourself, it also means that the amount of contact that you have with people who used to fill up a lot of space in your life may become less. While you’re continually finding people who respect your boundaries and respect you, it can also mean that you have a void in your life. This isolation and loneliness will not be constant, but it is often unnoted when people discuss setting boundaries. Lessening contact with people who do not respect you is highly important. But when those friends, partners and family take up such a large portion of your life, it is inevitable that there will be some hole left in their space. However, this temporary isolation is more beneficial to you as a person than contact with someone who is not respecting you. It is important to remember that what you are doing is respecting yourself. However, that does not make it any easier when left alone or bored.
All in all, boundaries are very important to set. What many people discuss online truly are the benefits of setting boundaries. Not only is setting boundaries important, but consistently knowing what they are and re-evaluating what you can tolerate is an important part of self-growth. That being said, the negative aspects of boundaries are often not discussed. It is important to recognize that though boundaries are overall beneficial and it is not an easy one-step process as the Internet can make it out to be. Reading things on the Internet can be extremely helpful for recognizing some unhealthy habits you may have. So, if you have the means to afford therapy, it is advised that you work through some of the more difficult boundary settings with someone. Though the advice often given is great, it is not individually targeted and should not be taken as a heavy rule of thumb. Often, things are credited with being therapy tips on the Internet are blatantly wrong. There have been some questionable things I have personally read when it comes to setting boundaries. However, boundaries are important to set. They are important to know and it is important to understand that there are difficult parts of setting boundaries and beneficial ones.