Every semester, I get to a point where I feel that I can’t go on. No matter how much effort I put into my work, I can’t seem to catch up. If I burn the candle at both ends, my work is lacklustre. If I attempt to take a break and spend some time on myself, I get too anxious and stress out even more. At this point in the semester, my skin has never looked worse, I can’t seem to stomach any normal food, and if I don’t keep my hair up in a clip, it will fall out on me. I tell the people around me that I’m going into “quiet mode” and that I’m keeping my head down and pushing forward until I get the chance to breathe. Although it is definitely not the smartest move, it hasn’t failed me yet.
My days start before the sun is up, and I don’t return home until well past sundown. During that time, I am locked in my office grading lab reports, writing papers, working on research, or conquering the inevitable small-scale tasks that pave the way for future deadlines. To say I’d like a day off is a severe understatement. Even on days when I am not physically on campus, I still find myself doing schoolwork. All I want is a full 24 hours where I have no responsibilities or deadlines, and I can do anything I’d like. I always have to take a step back and remind myself how lucky I am to be this tired.
In my direct family lineage, I am the first woman to earn a masters degree, let alone attend post-secondary education. The two exceptions are my maternal grandfather, who received an engineering degree, and my father, who decided that university wasn’t for him. How dare I complain about something the women before me could only dream of?Â
My family has been through some difficult times throughout history. War, revolutions, “famine,” recessions, and so much more that I will never even know of. I am incredibly grateful that, thanks to me, higher education will become the norm for future generations. I am entirely thankful that this has become my life. My job is to educate myself, something that many dream of and cannot achieve. I have textbooks, papers, and expensive software at my fingertips to use as I please. I learn among some of the field’s smartest minds and am a part of revolutionary and novel studies with positive, large-scale impacts
I don’t take my education for granted; I understand what it takes and costs to be here. However, I sometimes forget how fortunate I am to be in this position. Being a student puts me in situations that I may never experience beyond campus life. The skills and experience I learn during my time here set me up for the “real world” in an entirely different way than a traditional job ever could. It is the perspective change that reminds me how far I’ve gotten, how novel my access to education truly is, and it gives me the motivation to keep my head down and continue to the end.