I want to preface this article by noting that it is my personal experience, and should not be taken as advice.
My first year in college was a rollercoaster, to put it lightly. I was navigating multiple changes in my life, ranging from academic, to social, to familial, and everything in between; it got to a point where I felt suffocated by it all. From the second half of fall quarter through the end of winter quarter my freshman year, I was struggling.
Originally, my plan was to complete the school year, and then take a gap year to work on myself and focus on healing. But, by the end of winter quarter, I just didn’t think I had it in me to do another 11 weeks of school.
By this point, I was experiencing some of the worst mental health of my entire life. To make matters worse, I went through my first breakup during dead week of winter quarter, which is a tough experience regardless of extenuating circumstances.
So, I resolved to take the next quarter off on medical leave. The way I saw it, if my mental health had been able to deteriorate in six months, I could take the next six months to heal. After talking to my family and reviewing my options with the university, I dropped my spring quarter classes and declared medical leave.
My first few weeks back at home were definitely… interesting! I was still reeling from my very recent breakup, and trying to navigate living with my family again. I was also watching from afar as all of my UCSB friends enjoyed the gorgeous spring weather and their first Deltopia, so there were definitely feelings of FOMO.
Eventually, I gained the courage and summoned the mental energy to continue with my plan of self–growth and healing; I called the local outpatient mental health treatment program and scheduled my intake appointment.
Within a couple weeks, I was officially in the program—meaning I had a return to structure. At first, I went every day. Then, after a couple weeks, I stepped down to a slightly less intensive program, only attending three days a week.
In the program, I achieved a more nuanced understanding of my mental health struggles thanks to different learning modules and daily group therapy. There was also time allotted each week for creativity and movement to be utilized as therapy, which I found to be extremely beneficial.
Being around other people going through similar obstacles was especially helpful. Many of them were older, had been in the program before, and had helpful advice, wisdom, and encouragement.
On the days that I wasn’t in the program, I focused on activities that brought me joy and peace. I spent a lot of time with friends and family, and I also got really into Diamond Dotz, a craft project that I have found to be quite anxiety–reducing, as I’ve mentioned in other articles.
Unfortunately, because my friends from home were closer to my ex, I gradually began spending more time alone. While this hurt at first, it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. This shift allowed me to get more in tune with my own thoughts and emotions. I truly believe that learning how to navigate this change is one of the reasons I was able to become my own best friend.
At the beginning of June, I graduated from the outpatient program. It was a bittersweet time, as I felt that I had learned and grown a lot—but I was also going to miss the structure and people! In addition, I was definitely a bit fearful that I would lose all the progress I had made as I moved on from my time in the program.
Luckily for me, I did not immediately return to school. It was summertime, which meant more friends would be home, the weather would be nicer, and there would be more to do. I spent my summer working at a local school, spending time with my best friends, and visiting family.
Thankfully, because I was not immediately thrust back into the stress of school and living on my own, I had time to apply everything I learned about healing and about myself in the real world, but in a more low–stress version of the real world.
I would argue that my privilege of getting to learn about myself back home, in a comfortable environment surrounded by people who love me, is why I have sustained my progress for over a year.
Overall, while I was definitely nervous about stepping away from school for a bit, it was the best possible decision I could have made. I am glad I didn’t wait until the next school year to take the time off and heal. Had I done that, I think things may have continued to worsen to a point I’m not sure I could return from.
And yes, it was still a difficult and tiring process, but the results of being happier, less stressed, and more content with life have been so worth the effort!
And, sophomore year is going great.