Every year, the number of students who seek help for mental health increases exponentially. With nearly one in six college students having been diagnosed with anxiety in the past year, anxiety has become the biggest mental health issue that college students face today.
Anxiety tends to happen the same way avalanches do, often starting off small and unnoticeable but eventually building up over time if nothing is done about it. I had been dealing with anxiety long before coming to college, but the stresses I faced in my first quarter of college was just the momentum I needed for my snowflakes to turn into a natural disaster. It got to the point where everyday felt like a battle.
Different people experience anxiety in different ways. For me, doing schoolwork was always the biggest challenge. There was this pressing fear of not being able to understand the reading or not being able to do a good job on my writing assignment, and it led me to pretend that all the work just didn’t exist. Whenever I thought about schoolwork, it stressed me out so much that my mind went into the fight-or-flight response and I chose flight every time. Because I’d miss out on assignments, going to class felt even scarier. Even just thinking about going to class and seeing everyone but me turn in their papers made my heart race and my stomach queasy, so I’d go to the gym or run errands instead of going to class. By doing so, I’d justify not going to class, telling myself that it was okay because I was still being productive.
I would play off these symptoms of my anxiety as me being lazy or not caring. I never wanted other people to worry. I kept telling myself that everything will be okay and that I’ll just do better next time, but next time was never better. That heart pounding feeling, the nausea, the clammy hands, and the tears ready to pour out of my eyes only got worse over time. It was hard seeing other people do so well when I was barely getting by. It felt like I wasn’t normal and that I wasn’t meant to be here, and I wondered what it felt like to not feel afraid to sit down and do homework. I wondered if I could ever get better
One morning, I woke up and found it very hard to move. I felt like I was about to break down right there and then, so I emailed my professor that I could not make it to class that day and asked a friend to take me to CAPS instead. I was done trying to run away from my probelms. I went to CAPS that morning with all the baggage I had been carrying over the years, the build up of fear I had about not being good enough, family pressures, and so much more.
Even now, I am still living with anxiety, but I am better now than I was before. There are many resources on campus that you can go to, whether it be CAPS, Student Health Services, Academic Advisors, instructors, RAs, friends, the list goes on. And just because one method doesn’t work for you, doesn’t mean you should give up on trying to get better. If seeing a counselor doesn’t seem to help, try looking into different counselors or maybe even group therapy. Practice some self-care, find something you love to do and treat yourself to some delicious food every once in a while. In a war against anxiety, you deserve a reward for every battle you win against it.
My only regret now is that I didn’t reach out to someone sooner. Don’t let anxiety control your life the way I let it control mine. Reach out to someone if you start to notice yourself or someone you know have symptoms of anxiety. Know that if you ever feel like there’s a problem that’s too big, you’re not alone. Anxiety is treatable, but it requires you to take the first step and ask for help.
CAPS is located next to the Career Services building and is open Monday – Friday. Walk ins are welcome, or call 805-893-4411 for 24/7 support. Visit their website for more info.