Usually, when I have anxiety, I can quickly pinpoint exactly where it’s coming from: a final exam, tons of homework or being overloaded with tasks from my internship. These things feel very immediate; though the anxiety is obviously unpleasant, it’s fleeting and diagnosable. Lately, a less obvious anxiety has seeped into my everyday life, more like an itchy sweater than a single obvious pinprick. Often, I experience sensory adaptation, completely blissfully unaware of the mysterious stress. But it comes on with a random intensity, and once I feel it, it’s hard to fight off. I recently realized that this anxiety, unlike the others, represents a more general fear of the unknown. I’m about to finish my junior year of college, and I feel like a sophomore at best because my first year was online. I have one year left of school, one familiar summer before being thrust into what feels like real adulthood.
This summer is especially scary. It’s my seemingly last opportunity to have completely unburdened fun before entering the workforce, and it’s also my last chance to really apply myself to an internship with the stakes of potentially landing a job after graduation. In other words, summer has never felt so complicated. Not to mention, I’m planning on law school and have to make the decision whether to take a gap year to study for LSAT, write my application or gain some work experience before applying. Basically, there’s lots of planning and preparation in my future. And decision-making, which is notoriously difficult for me.
More and more people in my generation, including myself, seem to be choosing to go to graduate school after graduating from undergraduate, and I’m becoming increasingly aware that it’s not simply for a potential pay raise. School has been our entire lives for our entire lives (especially for us so-called “gifted kids”) and having to figure out who we are without it is a daunting reality.
That said, this is all obviously super exciting. Graduating represents real independence, a sense of accomplishment and growth. It’s a liberation from the shackles of the education system and the opportunity to choose what we want to do next. There’s so much to look forward to, and the mystery is part of what makes it exciting. I comfort myself with these thoughts often, at least when I’m not totally irrationally spiraling out of control (then my boyfriend or mom does it for me).
Coping with the anxiety of the unknown is not as impossible as I initially thought, either. Simply affirming ourselves by reminding ourselves of our successes to date, the opportunities ahead of us and the people who support us is quite helpful. Making time to do the things we enjoy rather than only focusing on school or work is also incredibly beneficial; for me, it reminds me that I am more important than my success in academics or my career. I’ve also found that the rational approach of simply taking tasks one at a time, and planning ahead (whether through calendars, lists or otherwise) makes everything far more manageable and can be immensely satisfying.
Personally, I’ve spent my entire life learning to cope with my anxiety. The specific anxiety of moving into a new phase of my life and preparing for that transition is especially permeative. It likely is for a lot of you, as well. But, I said the cliché before, and I’ll unapologetically say it again; everything will work out. Grounding ourselves in and enjoying the present is the best thing we can do to prepare for the future.