The word “alone” often has a negative connotation, but why? Even when searching for a cover image for this article, typing in “alone” as a keyword resulted in images of people that look sad and lonely. But being alone doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
Though I’m an introvert, which means I gain energy and “recharge” from having alone time, I’m also a big sufferer of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). I have always enjoyed having some alone time instead of socializing 24/7, but I also have realized I can be very dependent on other people. When people give you constant attention and validation, it’s easy to rely on that to make up a big portion of your self-worth. As the cliche quote says, ‘You must love yourself before you love others.” This is completely true because I have found when I am not fully secure in myself, I rely on other people for that validation.
I realized this during quarantine in 2020, and this was a jarring concept for me to grapple with. I had just come from a whirlwind of a freshman year of college and being fully independent for the first time, with new friends, a new city and a new environment. When that all suddenly stopped, and I went home to be fully alone, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I ended up taking the time to get to know myself since I had been used to being so busy with superficial distractions surrounding me until then. A big thing that has helped me during alone time is avoiding social media since that is where a lot of my FOMO stems from; if you are looking at other people socializing on a Saturday night, for example, it may make you feel like you also should be. Another thing to consider is society’s rules. Friday and Saturday nights for example are usually known as nights for socializing, but I’ve realized that I don’t always need plans for those days. It’s perfectly fine to have nights in by yourself to recover from the week, and in that sense, it’s okay to be a little selfish and say no to plans if you are feeling drained from the week prior.
Doing activities that benefit you and put you first is so important because if you think about it, you are most likely the only person who stays with you the entire time from the first day to the last day of your life. If you aren’t even by your own side, how can you expect others to be? Buy yourself flowers, take yourself out to lunch, and spend time truly getting to know yourself. When you are constantly around other people, it‘s harder to find time to sit with your own thoughts.
Also, doing things to help take care of yourself alone can be very beneficial for your mental health, such as working out, reading, journaling, meditating, cooking, skincare, etc. Writing down any negative thoughts you might have while being alone will help with facing them. Journaling has helped me a lot with helping acknowledge and then let go of negative thoughts. Since I usually like ranting to friends, journaling can be a way to still rant, but not put your problems or worries on others all of the time. So get to know your number one supporter — yourself. Learn the ins and outs of the way you think, handle difficult situations, and how you can improve your mindset. Learning things about yourself and spending time alone will only benefit your relationships with others as well.