Why I’m Thankful for Therapy

Trigger warning: anxiety, depression

Whenever the holiday season comes around, I try to take some time to consider what I’m grateful for. It can be easy to get caught up in the chaos of cooking family dinners, buying gifts, and putting up decorations, so it’s essential for me to take a moment to appreciate the little things in life that don’t necessarily get the attention they deserve. This is especially pertinent right now. We’re in a time of uncertainty and everything seems incredibly daunting; therefore, taking a moment to think about the good things in life is more important than ever before.

When I tried to ponder over what affected me the most this year, I immediately knew that therapy was the most positive change that I made in my life in 2020. I could tell you that seeking therapy was an easy choice that I made as soon as I knew I needed it, but that wouldn’t be a complete truth. To be honest, I’ve probably needed therapy for quite a few years. I struggle a lot with a severe amount of anxiety that is overwhelming and never-ending. I found that it worsened a lot once the pandemic started, which led to the most severe depressive episodes that I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime. My mental health was plummeting and I couldn’t find a way to stop it.

Everyone around me knew that I was struggling. No matter how bad anyone thought it was, I can promise you that it was ten times worse in my mind. I was hiding the worst of my anxieties from the people I loved the most because I felt like I was already enough of a burden. I felt like I was just being needy and attention-seeking because I was constantly invalidating myself and minimizing the burdens that I was shouldering. I guiltily convinced myself that I was this terrible, selfish person who deserved to feel every bit of hurt and pain that I was experiencing (which isn’t true because no one ever deserves to feel that way). Looking back now, the contempt that I held for myself only made me feel worse. It turned into this vicious cycle of anxiety leading to depression, which led to me thinking so badly about myself. It was ongoing and unchanging and I couldn’t remember what it felt like to be at peace.

I eventually realized that I needed to get therapy. I’m not quite sure what the breaking point was for me. I was sitting alone outside, crying for reasons that I couldn’t understand, and then I just… knew. I knew I needed to get help for myself or else my spiral would continue into a darkness that I wasn’t sure I could get myself out of. I stood up, grabbed my phone, searched for therapists in my area, and immediately contacted the first therapy office that I came across.

I think the universe was looking out for me that day because it was at that moment that I found my current therapist, who I admire, trust, and respect with the entirety of my heart. My therapist has helped me overcome so many obstacles that I’ve dealt with in the past few months. She’s given me advice for handling stressful situations, techniques to manage my anxiety, and activities that help me critically think about my mental health. Therapy has gone from being one of my biggest fears to becoming my greatest ally. I can safely be vulnerable as I traverse through the different parts of my mind without being judged.

Therapy can seem so intimidating at first, but it’s honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I do not know where I would be if I hadn’t asked for help when I needed it the most. With all of that being said, this year I am overwhelmingly thankful for therapy. I am thankful for my therapist and I am thankful for having family and friends who supported me through all of it. I’m even thankful for me — I’m proud of myself for being an advocate for my mental well-being.

I’d also like to note that it is most definitely a privilege to have access to therapy. Not everyone is in a situation that allows them to go to therapy, so I feel incredibly grateful that I was able to get help. I hope that anyone who is ever in a situation like mine is able to get that same help, too. We all deserve the ability to protect and nourish our mental health.

I utilized Psychology Today to search for therapists in my area. Their directory is a great tool to use when you’re trying to garner access to therapy. If you or anyone you know needs access to mental health resources, Mental Health First Aid has a great list of resources that anyone can utilize.

 

• mental health
• self help
• self-care
• therapy