Since Covid, the self-care movement has been all the rage. Taking care of your mental and physical well-being has become a trend. Amazing, right? Maybe so, until you’ve dropped hundreds of dollars in skincare products, yoga equipment, and more journals than you can count. But a recent episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast titled “Focus on Yourself: 3 Signs You’re Giving Too Much & What to Do About It Right Now,” reminds us that self-care is simpler and more substantial than it may seem. It’s about setting boundaries.
Since 2020, we have been deluged by the term “self-care.” But self-care, to your surprise, was *not* invented by your favorite influencer. It’s not a fad or a marketing gimmick. It’s a psychiatric development. In the episode, Mel welcomed George Washington University professor and psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin to speak about what self-care really is and what’s effective when it comes to taking care of yourself. Off the bat, Dr. Lakshmin didn’t say what I expected, to “go for a nature walk” or “do a face mask” as many influencers do – she advised us to make boundaries.
I’ve been in therapy for three years, and if you asked me what a boundary meant, I would tell you that it meant canceling a dreaded lunch meet-up with a classmate or flaking on a night out. However, according to Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, boundaries start way before plan-cancelling (even though we all secretly love it when our coffee date is canceled).
Surprisingly, the primary purpose of boundaries is not to keep away people you’d prefer not to see or avoid activities you’d prefer not to do; rather, it allows you to be your best self for the people you love.
For a people pleaser, saying “yes” to everything is easy. But Dr. Lakshmin instructed listeners to reframe this and to think about it this way: a “no” to others is a “yes” to yourself. Telling a friend you’re not free for a last-minute lunch or evening drinks isn’t the end of the world. To the contrary, by creating boundaries around your time, you give back to your mind, your body, and, as a result, to other people.
Making boundaries and taking time for yourself isn’t easy. In a world where women are taught to juggle everything and do it with a smile, it can be hard to start the habit of saying “no” to others to help yourself. But I put Dr. Lakshmin’s words of wisdom to the test – and I felt a difference.
I exercise whenever I can. I love it. But if a plan with a friend came up, I had a meeting, or I just wanted to chat with my flatmates in the kitchen, I would forego my workout—even though I know exercise makes me feel good, and helps me focus. Why did I so often cancel on myself? The fear of canceling on others. But after listening to Dr. Lakshmin, I decided to say yes to myself. I set aside one hour a day to move my body—a walk, a hike, a lift, etc. I felt better than ever by making a boundary around my “me” time. And by giving more time to myself, I have had much more to give to others.
As a young woman in university, there can be so much pressure from many different parts of your life. Do your coursework. Apply for those internships. Maintain friendships. And on top of all that, care for your mind and body. Some days, it can feel like you’ve just barely turned 15, and now you’re in the adult world trying to balance a full-course meal on an appetizer’s plate. This is why boundaries are life-changing. It can be as simple as saying no to a plan. But boundaries are about creating time to mindfully do something that makes you feel good at no cost. So this year, don’t make a bubble bath – make a boundary.