Love is a feeling that has been described as impossible to articulate through just one medium. Love means something different to every individual, through both how they give it, and how they receive it. Since love is such a hard concept to describe through language, “love languages” were created. Gary Chapman, a Baptist author and radio show host mainly known for his publication of “The 5 Love Languages,” defines these terms in his book. The five love languages that Chapman describes are words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and receiving gifts. There are many online tests available to help you identify your love language. While many people believe they only have one primary love language, most tend to fall into multiple categories that they use in their daily lives. Usually, there is one that stands out as their most prominent love language, and it is typically obvious or well-known to individuals, even if they don’t know the term for it.
A proficient understanding of love languages can be beneficial to our growth in many ways. When you think of love, you may think of your partner, your family, or your friends. We tend to immediately think of others that have meaning in our lives, maybe even our pets, or our passions like hobbies and work. Love connects us to communities, and allows us to show our appreciation to others in our lives. While love languages can be seen in many social groups, it is discussed mostly in the context of romantic relationships. One member of Her Campus at Old Dominion University, Lindsey Newman, writes about the importance of understanding your love language in your romantic relationship, and how neglecting them can affect our lives. Newman emphasizes the importance of respecting other’s love languages as well as your own.
Since the discussion around love languages is mostly focused on romantic partners and their love lives, I’d like to shift the focus to how we can use the understanding of our love languages to show love to ourselves. Taking care of ourselves should be our number one priority, and with Valentine’s Day coming up, I believe it is important, even if you are in a romantic relationship, to give yourself some extra love. We tend to look at love languages as an outward expression of appreciation, so why don’t we flip that inward? What makes you feel loved? Below are some self-love ideas based on the five love languages discussed in this article.
Words of Affirmation
Journaling
Journaling can be a therapeutic way of showing love towards yourself. This could mean taking a moment everyday to write what you have done that day, or how you are feeling at that moment. Some people like to log their gratitude in their journals, or just brain-dump as a way to get their thoughts onto the page. Oftentimes, people who identify with this love language feel appreciated when others express their feelings for them through affirming words. It’s also helpful to journal your feelings and appreciation towards yourself to show this same affirmation inward. This practice can show yourself love and allow you to feel validated and at peace with your emotions and sense of self.
writing Poems
Creative outlets such as writing poetry can be reassuring to people who thrive off of words of affirmation. I personally love to write poems when I have strong feelings that are difficult for me to explain. It can be a really beautiful way to express yourself, and there are no rules to writing poetry! As long as you are writing what you feel, it will be true to yourself. Reading your poetry later can help you appreciate the complex emotions you experience throughout every chapter of life. It’s also a beautiful way to depict love to ourselves in poetry. We can and should write love letters to ourselves too!
Self-Affirmations
Of course, words of affirmation from others can be reassuring to us, but using kind words towards yourself can show self-love too. There are many ways you can do this; you can write down affirmations such as, “I am enough” on sticky notes and put them on your mirror so that you see them every day. You could also just repeat these affirmations to yourself in the mirror as well, or in your head as you’re going through your day and need a little extra boost of confidence. It’s also beneficial to meditate on these affirmations. Intentful meditation can have a great impact on your mental health, and help manifest these affirmations into existence. Self-affirmations are a powerful way to practice self-love for those who give and receive love through words.
Acts of Service
Clean Your Room
Acts of service could truly mean anything. Showing yourself love through acts of service means just doing something that you know will better your quality of life, or make you feel good. Cleaning your room or place where you spend a lot of time can help show yourself some love and respect. Our environment mirrors our mindset, so creating a clean, open space can help you feel loved and appreciated.
Take a Self-Care Day
We are often so caught up in our own stresses of work, studies, and social life, that I think everyone deserves a self-care day once in a while. Whether or not acts of service is a love language you relate to, setting aside an entire day with rest as your only task on the to-do list is a healthy and beneficial routine to practice. This could mean taking a relaxing bath, going on a walk, or taking a nap. Self-care means something different for everyone, and I think that’s what makes having a whole day to discover what you feel loved doing is so special.
Check in on Your Health
Health can be something that causes people a lot of anxiety, and understandably so. That’s why I believe that if you tend to procrastinate scheduling doctor’s appointments or addressing health concerns, prioritizing your well-being is a meaningful way to show yourself love and care. Even if it isn’t physical, seeking out mental health support is also a way to check up on your health and show yourself the respect you deserve. If a close friend told you about something that’s been causing them a lot of pain, you would recommend getting it checked out, right? Show yourself the same respect! Our bodies are important to our health, and yearly checkups shouldn’t be ignored. It’s important to feel love for yourself first so that you can love others.
Receiving Gifts
Shopping
Going out on a shopping trip and splurging on clothes, candles, and all sorts of goodies can be a perfect way to show yourself love! You don’t always have to wait on others to buy what you want. It doesn’t have to break the bank either. Shop at places like the Dollar Store, Goodwill, or a convenience store and buy something that makes you happy. There is something very empowering about purchasing something for yourself, especially if you are someone who doesn’t often buy things; it is nice to treat yourself to that little something that you’ve been wanting.
Invest in Yourself
While shopping for fun things like clothes and home decor can be fun and a way to show yourself love, investing in your future and your interests can be a beautiful way of showing yourself some extra love. Maybe there’s a hobby or a class you’ve been wanting to take for a long time, like pottery classes or pilates. Go do it! There is no better time to start than now. It’s okay to learn new things that you may not be good at from day one, but spending your money in a mindful way like on cooking classes, higher education, or books can be a great way to give yourself the greatest gift of all: a better you!
DIY Crafts
DIY crafts can be a fun way to get to know yourself, and also leave you with a cute little craft at the same time! There are many ideas for crafts to do, especially around Valentine’s Day! Crafts can also really mean anything. Perhaps you enjoy baking, woodworking, or gardening—there are countless creative and diverse ways to craft unique gifts and treats for yourself as a form of self-appreciation and love. Plus, with so many free DIY tutorials and ideas available online, it’s easy to find inspiration for projects that suit your interests and skills.
Quality Time
Take Yourself on a Date
If you don’t have a valentine this year, don’t worry, you’re not alone. Taking yourself on a lovely date can be a cute way to spend time and get to know yourself better. Even if you are in a relationship or you have a Valentine’s date this year, I still believe it’s important to take yourself on dates throughout every important milestone in your life. It’s beneficial to reflect on your life and how far you’ve come, and take a moment to appreciate yourself and show yourself some extra love around this time of year. Even though we often feel alone when on our own, we are never truly alone if we are able to find company with ourselves.
Spend Time With People You Love
This one may be obvious, but I think it is overlooked. We often feel obligated to participate in certain social gatherings or environments where we don’t quite feel like we can be ourselves. It is an act of love to yourself to say no sometimes and to choose yourself. It’s okay not to spend time with those who don’t make you feel loved and welcomed. It can be draining, and quality time should be something that makes you feel rejuvenated. Setting personal boundaries in your relationships is super important for respecting both your time and mental well-being. Your time is valuable!
Indulge in What You Love
This also may seem obvious, but indulging in hobbies that YOU love is so important to spending quality time with yourself. This could be a sport you really love, maybe singing, or reading a good book. No matter what it is, finding hobbies that make you feel loved and at peace with yourself is so important to appreciating who you are. Ditching old hobbies and finding new ones is also an act of self-love. If something is not serving you, find something new! Oftentimes, when we learn new hobbies or skills, we get to witness our own growth and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves in the process
Physical Touch
Move Your Body
I like to use the phrase “body movement” instead of exercise because exercise can mean anything! Exercise can also sound like a lot of work, but it should be enjoyable to you. Activities like yoga, treadmill workouts, stretching, or even playing movement-based video games like Just Dance are great ways to stay active and connected to your body. There are so many creative ways of movement that work differently for everyone. Making sure you stay connected to your body through movement is a powerful way to practice self-love, especially for those who value physical touch. It’s also important to know when to rest. Rest is just as vital as body movement, and can be more beneficial than “exercise” depending on how you’re feeling. Keeping present with your body and mind is essential to showing yourself physical self-love.
Skin care
Skin care is often overlooked, but so important to your physical well-being. Oftentimes, if you are breaking out or your skin isn’t feeling well, it could mean a variety of things. It’s important to keep in touch with how your skin is, and your eating habits as well. Your eating habits and physical activity can significantly impact the health and appearance of your skin.
There are so many different skin care routines out there on TikTok, Pinterest, and other social media apps, but it’s also important to note your skin type when getting into skin-care treatment. You can even make an appointment with a dermatologist if you have questions about your skin, or just want an opinion on how to care for it properly. This is a great way to show yourself physical love, and also treat yourself to some you-time. Some ideas could be taking an “everything shower,” including all of your favorite soaps, or taking a bath surrounded by your favorite scented candles and putting on your favorite playlist or tv-show!
Give Yourself a Massage
If you’re someone like me, you have a lot of muscle tension probably due to stress. There are many techniques to self-massage, even though it may seem difficult. While the options for self-massage may be limited it is important to stretch your tight muscles. Fortunately, there are a lot of tools that can help such as foam rollers or tennis balls that can help with your self-care routine. If this seems too difficult for you, you can indulge in a spa day and treat yourself to a professional massage! This is also an act of physical self love. Showing yourself appreciation and through relieving physical pain is important to show respect and care for your body, and something we all deserve.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Oscar Wilde
As Valentine’s Day rolls around, I think it’s important we stay grounded and present within ourselves, and not get too caught up in the culture of serving others. Self-love is so important, and understanding your love language is beneficial to finding activities that allow you to celebrate yourself. We are our own first priority, and we all deserve love, no matter what medium.