To be frank, depression can be soul-crushing. It can make you feel like nothing in life is worth anything anymore, and, even worse, it can make you feel like it’s all your fault. But depression is a very serious and complicated illness, one which can’t be simplified or trivialized. Depression is a very normal thing, but it is different for every single person who suffers from it. Sometimes it might feel like no one understands.
When it comes to depression, I have been there and back again (and then back there again) many times since I was first diagnosed. When I describe how I have experienced depression, I describe it as feeling like being stuck in a hole which I don’t know how to get myself out of. I feel trapped within my own mind, and the overwhelming helplessness shuts me down. I can’t do or enjoy anything anymore, so I turn to unhealthy habits such as isolating myself or relying heavily on a single thing in my life that makes me feel safe. For a long time, I didn’t know how to talk about my feelings, and I still don’t like being a burden to those around me.
But eventually I got help, and I learned that coping with depression is a slow and tentative process. It’s not always as simple as telling your closest friends or starting medication. It was a process that is just as much inner as it is outer. And I can safely say that in the end, with the right help and an acknowledgment that you’re a work in progress, it will always get better.
But how can you begin to break out of depression when doing any and everything feels like a test of wills that you’re meant to fail? Here are some of the things I’ve learned from my own depression about how to start breaking out of it.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that you are depressed and that it’s okay to be patient with yourself. Depression can manifest from a lot of different triggers and situations; it can be genetic, spurred by a traumatizing event or even due to changing weather. Whatever the reason, it’s okay to be depressed, and there’s nothing about it that makes you different or wrong. It takes time and trial and error to break depression, and that’s okay.
Additionally, it’s important to remember that you are so much more than your mental illness. You may be suffering greatly, and it may be impacting your life, but looking depression head-on and telling yourself that it’s something happening to you rather than something that is you can be incredibly important in working towards a more hopeful mindset. Depression doesn’t define who you are, and so it won’t be part of you forever.
Next, start pushing yourself a little each day to do things again. Your first instinct might be to succumb to your symptoms, whether they be fatigue or lethargy or feeling anti-social, or maybe it’s not wanting to leave your room or refusing to eat. It can be a huge and important step to do just one of those things a day. Look at each thing you do as an accomplishment—something to be proud of. You are allowed to feel happy about taking that shower or eating a meal, and it can be a great reminder that you’re stronger than your depression can ever be. And don’t get discouraged if you find that you can’t complete that task; it might not be your day and, as long as you try tomorrow, the trying is what matters. Avoid condemning yourself at all costs.
Closely related to that is the matter of exercise. I know that I never liked exercise before depression, and I certainly didn’t like it during. But exercise doesn’t have to mean jumping into a full-body workout five days a week. Starting with taking a walk is an amazing step with tons of benefits; not only does it get you moving, but it gets you out. Introducing a walk whenever you need a breather can be incredibly calming and, depending on where you go, you might discover fun new places that get you excited about the world outside of your room again.
In fact, try new activities to introduce passion into your life again. Been meaning to watch a certain movie? Watch it. Want to just doodle the day away? Do it. Feel tempted to sing your heart out when your favorite song comes on? Sing it. Want to do your makeup or style your closet into the weirdest outfits you can think of? Try it. There are so many fun new things that you can do in your life to break the feelings of monotony or being trapped, and nothing should ever stop you from doing what you want to do.
Another overlooked aspect of battling depression is the matter of social life. It is an amazing step to admit to others that you are struggling, but it’s not always as easy to go from there. Sometimes the people in your life won’t be there for you like you need, and it’s important to remember that you should never feel bad about the fact that you need help. More important than maintaining relationships is maintaining healthy, supportive relationships. Seek out those around you who are positive and willing to support you in your difficult time, and take some time away from those who don’t. (Pets are perfect companions for dealing with depression—they’re always supportive and incessantly cute).
My most important advice, however, is simply to help yourself as if you were helping someone else. Your mental health is important, and in life, it’s important to be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself, and be patient on your off days. And if you haven’t gotten help already, please do. Notre Dame has great resources for mental health and counseling, so take advantage of that if necessary. And if you’re in a state of which you’re worried about your own well-being, there are crisis numbers you can call for immediate help in working through it. Remember that it’s all right if it takes time, and we are all rooting for you.
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