I cannot count how many times I have started a large, important assignment mere hours before the deadline. In high school, I started almost every final paper the morning it was due, even finishing one at the end of 5th hour when it was due at the beginning of 6th. I was happy with my grades, even though I was capable of turning in work that was much better.
I guess it kind of felt like a superpower to me: being able to do an assignment at the last minute and still get an A. I hated the stress of furiously typing to meet the length requirement, and came close to tears so often because I was worried I wouldn’t finish in time. However, I managed to complete my work with minutes to spare every single time, and the sense of accomplishment and relief that washed over me felt overwhelmingly amazing.
I thought I had it made. I could goof off, hang out with friends, listen to music, and watch TV instead of doing my schoolwork, because I could just wake up early on the due date and work on it then. I didn’t care about getting up at 4 am to start an assignment if it meant that I could spend my nights having fun. I did this all 4 years of high school and even continued into my freshman year of college.
Since my freshman year was online and I was stuck in all asynchronous classes for my 1st semester, this habit grew even worse. Not only did I procrastinate on my homework, but I also didn’t watch most of my lecture videos. I found myself relying on quizlets to study for my quizzes and exams instead of taking notes on the assigned material. I convinced myself that as long as I was getting 4.0s in my classes, it didn’t matter how I was doing it. I turned in several midterms and finals within seconds of the deadline, but I didn’t care.
The spring was more of the same, even with 3 synchronous classes. I tuned out most of my gen-ed classes and spent my time texting my friends and listening to music. I continued to be a lackadaisical student while putting on the front of someone serious and dedicated. After a while, the fun of being a master-procrastinator started to wear off, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed for letting myself get to that point. However, those negative emotions didn’t stop me from doing my entire 10 page research final in a 36 hour period. It was then that I knew that I had to stop procrastinating, but I didn’t know how.
When I finally arrived in East Lansing this fall, I was so excited to embrace scholarly life and spend long hours studying and working in the library. As a JMC student, I knew that my professors would be expecting a great deal from me, but I felt that I could rise to the occasion. The first week of classes, I skimmed through my readings and came to class feeling decently prepared. I was so wrong. Professors asked questions that I had no idea how to answer. My classmates seemed to have no trouble coming up with brilliant responses, and it was obvious that they understood the material far better than I did. I felt I was in way over my head, but convinced myself that I would do better next time.
The weeks rolled by and I fell back to my high school habits. I skimmed through Sparknotes summaries 15 minutes before class. I didn’t care that my contributions sounded shallow and poorly thought out. Then, one of my professors assigned my first paper of the semester: a 2 page reflection on a reading. I knew that something so small would be easy for me to do quickly, so I put it off. I finished it about 10 minutes before class, frantically typing to B.S. my way to 2 pages. I was almost sobbing as I printed it out and rushed to the classroom, knowing that I was turning in one of the worst papers I had ever written. I had gotten it done, but this time I didn’t feel any of my usual relief.
I told some of my friends about my procrastination, and none of them were pleased. They didn’t find it funny or cool that I could craft a low quality paper in under an hour. They told me I was shirking my responsibilities as a student and not taking my education seriously. I felt hurt by their comments, but realized that they were 100% correct. I needed to become more industrious and get my study habits under control. I had to find a way to figure this out or I was simply not going to cut it.
It has been a difficult road to reform 5 years of a terrible work ethic. I tried making daily routines, but I fell out of them quickly. I felt like I wasted an entire day if I woke up half an hour late or didn’t start an assignment exactly when I planned to. I realized a hard routine wasn’t going to help me out, so I decided I needed to try something different.
2 weeks ago, I downloaded Any.do to help me visualize my weekly tasks and commitments. It’s a total lifesaver! I actually do my readings and assignments way before the due date now, and it feels really empowering knowing that I’m finally getting my life together and taking my studies seriously. I’ve also made time for meditation and mindfulness, which are extremely helpful for mental clarity.
This journey has taught me that procrastination is a habit that can get way out of hand very quickly, and over time it can even become a toxic lifestyle. Undoing this habit has taken a lot of focus and effort, but I’m so glad I’m putting the work in. Sometimes it can be hard to not feel disappointed in myself for all the mistakes I’ve made, but I know that I am trying my best to improve. I’ve learned that I am capable of far more than I ever expected from myself, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come.
So, if you are also a huge procrastinator, don’t worry. If you feel disappointed in yourself or upset with the choices you are making, just remember that it’s always possible to get back in control. It may be hard, and it may take a long time, but I promise that you got this!