As a recent 22-year-old (Sagittarius baby!) I’ve reflected a lot upon the previous year, and realized it was one of the most transformative years of my life. I’ve always been one to be big on birthday celebrations and how amazing aging is, and I enjoy looking back on each year of my life with how things have changed and transformed, for better or for worse. Because I feel that this has been one of the most impactful years of my life, I wanted to compile a short list of things that I’ve noticed throughout my life, but which have especially become prominent in my life within the last twelve months.
- Loving yourself should be your number one priority
Truly loving yourself is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself, and you should do it. Instead of fighting yourself and negative thoughts of unworthiness or doubt, recognize that you are your biggest comfort, strength, and security. If you don’t value yourself to the fullest, then you will feel a sense that something is missing, which you will try to find in other things that may not be too good for you. Instead, invest in yourself and love yourself unconditionally, because you deserve it.
- Kindness can never be a regret
Being kind to others is an amazing way of showing admiration and overall goodwill, and it can never backfire on you. If something does appear to backfire, it’s from others’ actions, and not the fact that you were kind. Instead, try to lead your interactions and life with love and kindness, because it can do an immense amount of good than if you were ambivalent — or worse.
- Invest in the people around you, and make your love and appreciation known to them
The little things and words you say to people can make the world to them, especially if it is something that they don’t hear often. Thank your parents for the food they make you, appreciate your friends and family for small gestures, and try to intentionally invest in them the same way they do to you. While it’s hard to admit, you never know if they will know your appreciation and sometimes, it might be too late for them to know.
- Communication IS key — if you’re able to communicate, you’ve done half the work
Keeping your thoughts hidden can lead to resentment, miscommunication, and overall hurt feelings if some things aren’t clearly translated to other people. Communicating your honest feelings calmly and empathetically is half the work in having good relationships, and doing so is the best thing you can do. Likewise, learn to accept the same.
- Do not settle in relationships, even if you are looking for companionship
Bad relationships can do a lot of damage, and you are meant to be loved in the way that you want to be loved. Even if you are in a relationship for reasons such as wanting to be experiencing affection, you have strong feelings for them, or other intimate needs and wants, remember that you deserve the love that you want. Being single and happy is infinitely better than being taken and unhappy.
- Reflect on your upbringing and how it impacts you today
Even though it’s almost common knowledge now, your upbringing will impact how you react to conflict, anger, sadness, and many other emotions and scenarios. While it may seem daunting or unnecessary to reflect on how you were raised and any unresolved trauma you may have from your childhood, see if there are common threads in how you act or think today, and act on whether or not there is work to do.
- Learn to forgive your parents
In the same breath, reflect on how your parents raised you specifically and how that has impacted you today. If you can safely do so, have conversations with your parents on what they did well and what they didn’t do well. Set firm boundaries when you are able to, and recognize that before anything, you will always be their child. If their mistakes are human, learning to forgive them will lift a heavy burden off your chest and will strengthen your relationship with them.
- Make it a goal to unlearn bad habits
Bad habits do not go away on their own with no work. Also, they don’t emerge from nothing. One of the best things you can do for personal growth is identify your bad habits, where they might stem from, and make it a priority to change them to better yourself and your life. Depending on the habit, this might be incredibly difficult and may take many tries, but it is worth it in the long run for your own personal growth and happiness.
- Comparison is the thief of joy
Comparing yourself to other people will only set you in competition with others rather than collaboration. Everyone has their own path and no two paths are the same, even if there are similarities in your circumstances, interests, etc. Focusing on yourself and what you want for your life is the best way of doing it, because it is your life!
- Never stop being passionate about the things you care about
One of the biggest things I’ve learned while being at college is that if you don’t do what you are passionate about, whether that be what you study, do for work, or your hobbies, your quality of life will greatly decrease. Know the things you’re passionate about and why you’re passionate about them, and make sure to keep that spark alive so it enriches your life.
- Outgrowing friendships is a part of life — learn to accept it
Some of the hardest relationship changes I’ve experienced have come from friendship breakups and changing friendship dynamics rather than romantic relationships. Also, understand that not all friends are meant to be your closest best friend, and it’s okay for friends to become acquaintances, to have ‘going out’ friends, introspective friends, etc. While changing friendship dynamics can be uncertain and outgrowing friendships can hurt, it’s a part of life, so it’s best to accept it and see it as something natural instead of something ‘bad.’
- Empathy is one of the strongest traits you can develop
Despite how it’s always portrayed, empathy is not a weakness, and it’s necessary to be a good person to yourself and others. Take the time to understand how other people feel and view the world differently from you; truly understanding this will give you more perspective into how others live their lives, including yourself.
- It’s completely okay to have down periods, but have a plan to get out of them
Having down periods is something that is unavoidable, but the worst thing that can happen is being stuck in these down points for extended periods of time. Misery loves company, and falling into the trap of this comfort can greatly negatively affect you more than you might think. Find what helps you out of ruts, and even if you have to force yourself, make it a priority to pull yourself back up. Whatever happens, you are not meant to be there.
- Never be too scared to ask for help
Wanting to not be a burden or hassle to other people is one thing, but going through the motions without guidance when it’s needed is another. You should never be too scared to ask for help regardless of what the help might be, because it can genuinely help you. The worst that can happen is that the help you ask for is not given (in which case you move on), but people are mostly willing to help, so it should be a good practice to ask for help when needed. You would want to do the same for others.
- Trying new things can change your life
I’ve become a big fan of the butterfly effect, which is the theory that small things and actions can lead to large and unpredictable consequences, good or bad. For example, the flapping of a butterfly’s wings could cause tiny air changes that lead to a change in weather patterns like a tornado elsewhere. Essentially, the life that you are living is from a series of small actions and changes that you may have thought to be inconsequential at the time, but have greatly impacted your life. Because of this, new things can change your life, so try and take as many opportunities as you can, because you never know where it might lead you.
- Your appearance is never more important than your mind nor your character
I truly believe that people were not meant to be aware of their appearance. Your outer appearance is only one facet of yourself, and attempting to fit into whatever beauty standard you idolize will most likely only lead to unhappiness and unfulfillment. The best way to be more attractive (if that’s what you desire) is enhancing your mind and your character, because that is what is authentically you.
- Life is not about knowing what your end result is, but taking various paths that might lead you there
The point of living is not and should not be where you end up at the end, whether it be location, career, etc. Instead, the beautiful part of living is all the experiences you have reaching that point, the people you meet, and the emotions you feel. While it’s okay to have big plans and aim for what you want in life, remember that the journey is more important than the destination. You could also wonder — is there even a real destination?
- Your inner child is still a part of you — even as you age
Healing your inner child is one of the biggest things you can do for your own health and growth. The things that made you happy at a simpler age can most likely do the same thing for you today, so you should try and do things that bring out your inner child and happiness from a younger time. No matter how old you get, that child will always be a part of you and shouldn’t be forgotten. Make sure to nurture yourself.
- Make it a goal to learn from the people around you
There’s a theory called Everyone is You Pushed Out by Neville Godard that posits that everyone you interact with is a direct reflection of you as you manifest them as part of their reality. While I don’t necessarily believe this, I’ve taken this theory and choose to see the similarities between me and others at every chance I can, and if possible, see if I can somehow learn from them. Whether it’s something tied to a person’s accomplishments or character, try to see what qualities others have and try to learn from them to grow yourself.
- Regrets can be your worst enemy — don’t be afraid to do what you really want to do
Having regrets is something that can haunt you for years, and many times, the lack of inaction cannot be undone. To avoid the feeling of regret, just do the damn thing. No matter what the regret could be, such as not taking a specific opportunity, refusing to ask that person out, or wishing you started a hobby earlier, just go ahead and take the chance before it’s gone — chances are the potential bad effects are not as bad as you imagine them to be. Finding out the end result is much better than wondering forever what the result could have been.
- Balance is healthy and necessary
Recognizing that you need balance in your life, and striving to achieve it is, in my opinion, one of the most adult things you can do. Yes, you can go out and also be studious. Yes, you can be independent and be in a romantic relationship. Too much of one thing, even if it can be good for you, is not a good thing. If you image all your needs as various cups, having balance means you are filling all your cups to what level they should be. Take the time to notice if you feel that some of your cups are overflowing or looking empty, and act accordingly.
- Overall, life is exciting and worth living — never stop looking forward to the next day, month, year, etc.
The most important thing that can be easy to forget is that life is incredibly exciting and worth living. One of my favorite things to do when reflecting or journaling is imagining how much my life has changed without me realizing, such as saying “If you told me I would go to Brazil 3 years ago, I would think that you are lying.” It’s a great way of bringing excitement back into your life if things ever feel dull and a reminder that day by day, nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different. Be sure to notice things and be thankful for all that’s transpired, because it’s what has made you, you.
While there have been many ups and downs, as is true for the vast majority of people, I am still incredibly grateful for the life I live and am incredibly happy to be where I am at. While this is actually a small list of the things I have learned throughout my life, these are the biggest takeaways I’ve found that I hope can inspire and resonate with others. I greatly look forward to expanding upon it as I have more experiences, memories, and grow into the next year.