As the temperature is dropping and Spotify Wrapped is on the horizon, it seems like everyone is suddenly in a situationship. And there’s something in the air that is starting to make you want one too.
That’s because it’s Cuffing Season. For the uninitiated, this is basically the cold fall and winter months that are often seen as a time when getting into relationships is particularly appealing.
Here’s some food for thought: Are we actually seeking connection, or are we just trying to avoid being lonely when it’s cold out?
If you think that Cuffing Season has a Gen Z sound to it, you’d be correct! The term originated in college newspapers and African American Vernacular English (AAVE) in 2011. The term “cuffing” itself came from AAVE directly, and it essentially means to commit to a relationship. However, before the term was used as it is now, it was a popular cultural idea to find a partner to keep people safe and warm during the winter. As the years went on, the term became popularized on social media apps like Twitter and was even mentioned in the 2013 Fabolous song “Cuffin Season.”
On college campuses, Cuffing Season is often more romanticized, as the leaves start to fall, the seasonal coffee menus are coming out, and everything on campus becomes romanticized, even studying. With so many single people on campus, it’s easy to get curious and start searching for love.
Funnily enough, a lot of my friends seem to find romantic interests around this time. I can name at least a few who’ve recently met someone or are moving forward in their talking stages… and honestly, I can’t lie, I’ve been a testament as well. Maybe it’s Mercury Retrograde, or maybe there really is something about the season.
It’s no shock that Cuffing Season is rooted in our biological drive to find a partner to keep us safe in the winter months, which affects us both psychologically and emotionally. Studies have even found that the cold seasons can lower serotonin levels, which explains why so many people feel lonelier or more drawn to connection this time of year. Daylight Savings also plays a role, throwing off our internal rhythms and impacting mood and energy.
It turns out, there’s actually some science behind the cuffing phenomenon. A study found that dating app activity, condom sales, and even birth rates all rise in the colder months, proving that maybe it’s not just the cozy weather talking. There’s something about the drop in temperature and shorter days that makes people crave closeness and routine more than ever.
Another thing to consider is Seasonal Affective Disorder (which you may either have or be more familiar with the term “seasonal depression”), a type of depression that occurs during certain times of year, most significantly the colder months. This can play a big factor in individuals feeling like they’re missing some things. (Cough, cough, love!)
The bottom line is that, as humans, we crave comfort, routine, and closeness in these months. The holidays create an atmosphere of coziness, making us want nothing more than to cuddle up with someone special. And going off of that, there’s no way we can deny the social pressure that comes with the season: the holiday parties, Hallmark movies at their peak, and everyone posting about their significant other. Even the way we consume media changes. We rewatch comfort shows, make cozy playlists, and crave familiarity in every form, including relationships. The longing can be honestly sickening!
I speak from experience when I say that once it hits 50 degrees or below, I start to crave relationships more than usual. But I think that the line is often blurred between wanting actual affection and just being lonely. There’s something about the smallest things, like seeing a couple walking around holding hands or sitting at a coffee shop, that hits a little harder. It’s easy to wonder if you’re missing out on a cute fall romance. It’s like everywhere you walk, the universe is practically begging you to find someone. But maybe the universe isn’t begging… it could simply be mirroring what everyone else feels, too.
Think about how much love during the fall has been pushed in your face–every fall-esque song centers around love, and all of our favorite cozy TV shows (Gilmore Girls!) have strong themes of romance. Comfort is literally directly associated with finding love.
There’s a big difference between loving someone and just wanting someone around when it’s cold out. Real love lasts past the holidays. It’s about choosing the person, not just the feeling. Situational comfort is temporary; it’s cuffing season’s biggest trick. You think you’ve found your person, but have you really? Don’t get me wrong, you definitely could have. But how do you know that it could actually be something deeper?
We’ve all seen the TikToks joking about finding someone to do all the cliche fall/winter activities with: pick apples, wear matching PJs, stay in and watch a movie. But it’s important to remember during this time of year that a good relationship is built on communication, consistency, and shared values. There is so much more that goes into a relationship! If it’s real, you’ll notice that your connection doesn’t just live in seasonal moments. You’ll see it in how you handle conflict, communicate your needs, and support each other when the excitement fades.
And what I’m saying might be honest, but I’m coming from a place of experience. Years ago, I was in a relationship that began at the beginning of October. We did all of the holiday activities together, but it didn’t feel like our relationship ever got very deep. It ended in April, after the joys of the holidays wore off… which is where the next cliche comes in.
There’s a pattern that is often circulated on TikTok and other social media, along with the “six-month rule,” that relationships that begin in the fall often begin to fizzle out in the spring. And if your For You Page is anything like mine, you’ve probably seen videos warning that relationships born in October rarely survive past spring. There are two main ideas behind this. The first is that after all of the holiday activities are finished, what the relationship was essentially built on is then gone as well. The second idea is that relationships often begin to hit a crossroads after around six months, where misunderstandings begin to arise, and many people have to reconsider their relationships and decide whether they want to move on with their person or not. These two dilemmas coupled together are not good news for a Cuffing Season couple!
Just because a relationship begins in the fall and winter months doesn’t mean that it will be short-term. It’s just important to remember that if you truly want something long-term, you need to make sure that your relationship is built on the right foundation.
On the other hand, not all short-term relationships are meaningless. Valuable lessons come from every relationship. For example, I learned from mine all those years ago many lessons, one being what not to do and how not to approach my next relationship.
I’ll ask again: Is it love, or just the fall air hissing in your ear?
The biggest thing to remember as we enter these chillier months is to embrace connection, but do it intentionally. Romanticize the season, just not to the point where it makes you feel lonelier. Keep doing what you love, surround yourself with people who bring you warmth, and remember: if love finds you this season, by all means, let it, but don’t lose yourself in it.