When the pandemic hit almost two years ago, I thought that I was finally getting a break from my busy schedule, getting to hit pause on everything for two weeks. I did not know that the pandemic would last for over a year and a half or that I would have to seriously confront my mental health. Those first few weeks of quarantining, I experienced some of the worst anxiety and depression since being diagnosed in my freshman year of high school three years before. And little did I know, I would feel this same way once life started going back to normal in late 2021.
At the start of the pandemic in March 2020, my anxiety seemed to be never-ending. I could not go on social media, usually one of my favorite things, very much from all the news being constantly reported. I could not put on any news channels since it would consequently cause my brain to spiral into thoughts of “everyone you know is going to get sick and die.” My bipolar disorder would then become a sickly concoction mixed with my anxiety, especially at night, to make me think the world was ending. I would feel hopeless and would withdraw myself from talking with those closest to me. However, I soon learned that I needed to do the opposite to get better.
By the time summer was drawing to a close in 2020, I knew I needed to make a change for my health. I began taking Lexapro, a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor or SSRI, to treat my anxiety and depression. It began working quickly to control my racing thoughts and overwhelming mood swings. I started taking control of my mental health while staying home for my first semester of college. By the end of the fall semester and entering into the spring semester at Florida State University (FSU), I still felt like something was missing. I sought out a therapist in my hometown to begin cognitive behavioral therapy weekly. This helped me manage my symptoms and work through the overwhelming feelings I still had.
I cannot begin to explain how excited I was to return to FSU for the Fall 2021 semester, being vaccinated and no longer worried about coronavirus. I got to go out with friends, go to in-person classes and join clubs in person as well. But as excited as I was, the anxiety came back just as quickly. I got overwhelmed at the slightest inconvenience and felt like I was drowning in commitments. Moreover, my depression ramped up again into hopeless and dreadful feelings that felt out of control. I heard the same stories from friends about being totally overcome with commitments now that life was returning to normal. We had all adjusted to work, school and our personal lives in a pandemic world, but the world was going back to normal, and we were not equipped to handle that.
I did not know how to handle my mental health, and I was ashamed to talk about it. The friends that I thought were close to me at FSU seemed uninterested in hearing about it and unwilling to lend a helping hand. I did not know how to appropriately handle everything that had felt so easy before the pandemic, and I was ashamed to admit that. I felt like I was failing and not succeeding enough at college. However, I began equipping the skills I had learned earlier in the pandemic to figure my way out of that headspace.
Personally, I use journaling and pretty intense time management to help with feeling like I am drowning in commitments. I have a planner that has my day detailed down to hourly attainable tasks like “clean my desk and start homework” or “go to class and take notes.” I also reached out to the FSU Counseling and Psychological Services. They helped me search for a new therapist in Tallahassee. I also confided in other friends and my family to work through my anxiety and depression once again. My feelings and commitments started to feel normal and manageable once again.
I realized through this that I am not expected to go straight back to what I was doing before the pandemic. If anything, I was overcommitting myself before, leaving little time for self-care and recuperation. It is important that I work sufficiently at college and have a good time while I am there. If you or someone you know is experiencing mental health issues, please contact the FSU Counseling and Psychological Services here.
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