“Live, laugh, love”: a motto that moms love to live by, that we mock and laugh at. What if I told you they might be onto something by decorating their homes with all those inspirational, cringey quotes?
Positive affirmations are nothing new, yet many people don’t have this practice implemented in their lives. We’re constantly bringing ourselves down: apologizing if we don’t look presentable, downplaying our accomplishments, or thinking we should be doing more to be worthy of whatever we desire.
The moment I let go of the negativity in my head by using positive affirmations, my life changed. I’d love to walk you through how to do this for yourself!
Why I Started
Throughout my teenage years, not a day went by that I didn’t pick myself apart. Whether it be my face, body, or personality, I’d always think, Was I too loud? Too annoying? Are my legs too big? Are my lips too small?
Growing up in this society as a woman, we’re constantly being shown what beauty is supposed to be. We’re told how we should look and act, and to be the mysterious, nonchalant, cool girl who does everything effortlessly. I never resonated with this standard, feeling weird and out of place, lacking a sense of belonging, and caring too much.
One spring day of my junior year of high school, my sister picked me up in her white SUV, and emotions were high. I felt so insecure that I couldn’t stop crying on the drive home, telling her how I felt. She looked at me and said, “This is ridiculous, you take that back and say you like yourself right now.”
I thought it was silly, but she forced me to do it. Then, she made me promise that every time I had a thought that tore me down, I’d look at myself in the mirror and uplift myself.
She didn’t know it then, but this entire outlook would completely change how I viewed myself, the world, and other people.
How To Begin
Here’s how it works: If you grew up in an environment that wasn’t always uplifting, whether it be family, friends, teachers, or schoolmates that tore you down, your brain is wired to see things negatively. We all have insecurities and negative thoughts, but thankfully, there’s a way to combat them.
The first step is to recognize and catch that negative thought in the moment. Maybe you look in the mirror and think to yourself, I hate my nose. Stop in that moment and ask yourself some questions: Why do I hate it? Where is this thought coming from? Do I really care about this, or did someone once point out my nose and now I hate it?
Most of the time, you’ll find that insecurity is something you probably wouldn’t have cared about if society hadn’t told you there was something wrong with it. Oftentimes, beauty standards come from Eurocentric ways of thinking, and this is the 21st century, where we practice intersectional feminism, so really, why would your nose be a problem?
Contradict the Thought
After you’ve caught the thought, it’s important to tell yourself the exact opposite. If you’re feeling like everyone in your life finds you annoying, break that thought pattern by hyping yourself up, even when you don’t believe it. Tell yourself how everyone around you loves you, how you’re a joy to be around, how amazing you are, and remind yourself of the people who truly are there for you.
Repeat these positive affirmations to yourself over and over until the negative thought subsides, no matter how long it takes. If it goes away and comes back later, repeat the process. Succumbing to negative thoughts is the easiest and most familiar way to deal with this emotion; however, I’ve noticed that once I contradict that thought enough times, it eventually becomes less frequent.
A month or two down the line of repeating this process, you may not even resonate with the thought anymore. The most important thing is consistency, even when it feels silly or doesn’t feel like it’s working, it eventually will!
Journal It Out
Practicing positive affirmations is a great way to start. For some, saying them out loud can be helpful and make them believe it more. For others, writing them down in a journal helps the most.
Almost every day, I sit down and write a list of positive affirmations in my journal. Depending on what negative emotions I feel that day, I change them to contradict those specifically. On days when I’m not having any negative thoughts, I write about my goals and aspirations, affirming to myself that I can achieve them.
Neuroscience has shown that positive affirmations can literally rewire your brain. The more you think a positive thought, the stronger the neurological pathway to positive thinking becomes. According to this study, repetition is best for strengthening this pathway, also decreasing the frequency of the negative self-talk that’s so natural for many.
What’s Come Out Of my Affirmations
Now that my life is mostly filled with positive thoughts, I can express myself truly, feeling carefree, and appreciating everything about myself. I don’t compare myself to others or care about what they think, which allows me to make genuine connections with people without insecurities getting in the way.
My confidence skyrocketed thanks to my affirmations, helping me stand up for myself and refusing to tolerate any disrespect from those around me. Through this whole journey, I’ve found that when you’re kind to yourself, you won’t allow anyone in your life who doesn’t make you feel loved.
I think, as a woman, the strongest thing you can do is break free from the hatred you’re expected to have for yourself and truly love and embrace everything about who you are.
If the phrase “to be loved is to be known” is true, then the person who can love you the most is you. You’re the only one who knows your ins and outs: your beauty, your flaws, your strengths, and your weaknesses. The final trick of all is to treat yourself like a best friend, with kindness and gentleness, and never bring yourself down.
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