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Mental Health

Breaking Up With My Therapist

Therapy is a healthy way to keep your life in check. You may be in a rut and not even realize it until you talk to someone. It’s all about finding a good therapist – someone who is a good listener but also will ask you the tough questions. It’s like dating (but more expensive). You should give people a chance, but if it doesn’t work out, break it off.

I’ve been in therapy since the fall of my senior year of high school. I highly recommend it to anyone going through anything. I started going after losing my dad and brother, and it definitely put me in a more balanced mindset. I look back on who I was before therapy, and honestly, I was a mess. 

I feel so much more on track now. I still get anxious and depressed at times, but these moments come in waves. When I feel a certain way, I’ve learned how to healthily manage it and acknowledge that the feeling won’t last forever. Sometimes, it’s easy to panic when you feel a way you don’t want to. You have to learn how to accept your feelings to get past them.

I’d been seeing the same therapist for about a year. He was great at first, and he was there when I really needed him. We had conversations about what was going on in my life, and he encouraged me to make art as a way to relieve stress. 

However, these past couple of months, I’ve found myself struggling to find things to talk about. My therapist let me do most of the talking, which was great when I had a lot to say but not so great when I had nothing to say. I’ve been doing so well these past few months, which means that there’s little to talk about. 

My therapy sessions evolved from helpful appointments into pricey time slots where I would talk about my day and he would listen without saying anything. One time, I even had to find a prompt to talk about with him since he wouldn’t ask me any questions. 

I don’t want a session to ruin a good day that I’m having, but I also want my therapist to challenge me. I’ve been doing well, but what about the times I don’t do well? How do I feel living with such tremendous losses? What am I doing daily to make myself happy and deal with grief in a healthy way? I feel that, as a client, I should not be the one having to think of these questions.

I broke up with my therapist a couple of weeks ago. I told him it wasn’t him, it was me (but it actually was him). Therapy is great when it’s working, but when you and your therapist just don’t click anymore, it’s time for the breakup. 

Admittedly, I was nervous to break up with my therapist because he had been so nice to me every month, but I didn’t feel that he was doing his job in helping me. I needed him to ask me thought-provoking questions, to lead me further in my journey of self discovery. I wasn’t getting that. Like any relationship, when your needs aren’t being fulfilled, it’s time to leave. So, I did.

I am now in search of a new therapist. It will take some trial-and-error, but I know I will find someone who I connect with eventually. If you’re in the same situation and currently looking for a therapist but having no luck, don’t give up. You’re bound to find someone that you connect with who can really help you take care of your mental health.

Catherine Hogan is from the UD class of 2023. She loves psych, lit, and running and is currently majoring in communications with an English lit, comp sci, entrepreneurship, and Français minor in the hopes of becoming a big shot tech wizard (think Silicon Valley). She likes her coffee black and it took her forever to get her driver's license.
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