A little back story. I have been wanting to go to my campus gym for two years now and have only gone maybe three times. What kept stopping me was the fear that I would be judged, watched and criticized by men, awkward and alone, and obviously confused that I had no clue what I was doing. I did not want to just spend my time on cardio machines. I wanted to lift weights and I finally got my opportunity. While introducing myself to my research fellowship, I started talking about how much I love strength in women. After that, a teacher slid over a packet of paper for a women’s powerlifting class that was happening the next day. There were still spots left, so after the meeting was over, I signed up right away.
I went to this clinic being led by an art history professor at my college, Dr. Elizabeth Baltas. She has been powerlifting for a few years now and recently became a certified trainer. The woman was an absolute inspiration and beast. I have never met anyone who radiated so much positivity and motivational energy. Dr. Baltas taught all the females there how to deadlift, squat, and benchpress correctly and effectively. She also gave us tips on stretching and helped us find our three rep max. She even took time out of her busy schedule to calculate each individuals starting weight for an eight-week program she put together.
I was unaware that going to this clinic would end up changing my life. I no longer feel intimidated to go to the gym. I know what to do and I do not pay attention to the people around me. I am in the gym to focus on me and better myself, not to pay attention to anyone else. I have worked going to the gym into my schedule, I now try to go three times a week. I have noticed that I am able to focus better on the days I go. I am also better at regulating my emotions. I have found that the time it takes to get to class has also become shorter and has taken less energy. Most importantly, it has aided in my recovery and my mental health.
Last semester and over the summer, my eating disorder sent me to the hospital a few times. I had no clue what was wrong with me at first until the doctor told me I was lacking some vitamins and nutrients and what could possibly cause that to occur, one of the causes is undereating. My body started to have trouble with blood flow and my strength quickly depleted. I got to the point that walking normal distances may cause me to collapse and warm showers caused me to get dizzy and tired. I became extremely frustrated with myself. As an active person, not being able to move right was aggravating. What made it worse was I felt as if I did this to myself; that it was my fault. So with my strength went what was left of my mental health.
Over the summer I started to recover and by the time college kicked off again, I felt fine. However, much of my body strength was taken away by the disorder, and eating the amount of food I needed to recover made me feel self-conscious and disgusting. During my recovery, I started to recognize this was not my fault. My mental health improved a bit, but not much as I grew increasingly dissatisfied with my body.
I have been struggling with anxiety, body dysmorphia, and bulimia (binging and fasting kind). Since I started powerlifting, my anxiety has gone down a bit and I now have a place to put my anxious energy. It has helped calm me and I have noticed a more positive outlook on situations. The biggest thing impacted was my body dysmorphia and bulimia. Powerlifting has helped me start to regain my strength. The amount of weight I am lifting is very low, but it is slowly growing. It has also helped me eat because I know my body needs nutrition after workouts and I feel deserving of it. My food intake has grown beautifully and without shame. My view of my body has also started to grow more positive. I still struggle with seeing myself for how I actually look, but some days my mind is positive and loving of my body. The bloat I get after eating does not bother me as much, instead, it is a proud symbol that I nourished my beautiful body today. I am very happy I decided to try powerlifting and I hold dear to me the benefits it has given my mind and body.