For those who practice yoga, or really for anyone on social media, you could recognize a growing popularity of Instagram-famous yogis who are insanely out-of-this-world good at handstands and lifting their legs above their head while maintaining a perfect “man, this is like the easiest thing” expression on their face. I mean, c’mon, they look really f***ing good, and it’s easy to compare yourself to their expertise. I do it all of the time! It seems like a forever state of comparison. Traditionally, before one could move into the practice of asana, or yoga poses, one must live their everyday life through several points, so that their mind may be fully present and committed to the poses. One such point is: non-violence. The positive version: compassion.
When was the last time you complimented yourself? “Hey, self, you’re awesome.” It’s easier to fall into a pattern of shaming and/or comparing ourselves to the next person, especially at the age of letters deciding our intelligence and numbers dictating our social status. So often are we in a state of judgment toward our appearance, personality and overall ability, never being good enough in our own eyes. This causes a lot of unnecessary inner violence, which can radiate into relationships with community, friends/family, and most importantly, self. It’s important to acknowledge your goodness, your beauty and your triumphs, and to be compassionate toward yourself before you can be compassionate toward others.
I found being non-violent to myself was extremely difficult to do in Warrior 2 pose. I would be in a state of comparison, looking at the people in class through the mirror to find that one person I could compare myself to. Inevitably, I always found the one! “You’re not as far into the pose than she is,” “look at her abs,” and “she probably isn’t as good at down dog as you,” and chatter like that would cloud my mind. It would keep me from truly being in the pose. Instead, to be “better” than that one, I would push myself too far, causing an annoying headache.
Does that sound zen yogi to you? The teacher, while her class held the Warrior 2 position, asked everyone to close their eyes. She asked us to recognize that violence is not the way of ambition or strength; instead, being compassionate to yourself is far from being a push-over or weak, but will help you succeed. You can be a strong warrior and chase new heights, while being kindhearted, without being violent to yourself. The minute I stopped comparing – “You’re not as good as that one” – and focused on my experience in the pose, my headache went away.
This can translate over to “real-life.” When you find yourself scrolling on social media or talking grades with friends, notice if you are comparing yourself. Take a deep breath and silently remind yourself that, girl, you are all good. You are exactly where you should be and exactly who you should be. You can continue being ambitious without being violent. You can still sprint toward your goals, but give yourself a break here and there and be compassionate to yourself in the process. You can be competitive with yourself, or with others, without comparing. Comparison will only hurt, no matter how easy it is to do.
Let’s make a commitment this week: Stop comparing yourself to others. Be compassionate to you.