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The Horrid Love Life of a College Girl pt.6

Welcome back to my article series guys! For those of you who are new, this is a series which entails a detailed description of my “love life” as I’ve evolved throughout my early adolescence. We previously discussed Jordan, Dylan, Damon, and Tyler. This article is a continuation of Tyler and I’s overly-dramatic relationship, and thankfully, the end of our story as a couple. Each of the boys mentioned before has been pivotal in my growth as a woman and taught me some MAJOR lessons. You may have noticed that each name is highlighted if you click on the name it will direct you straight to that article! Now let’s get back to Tyler.

As mentioned in my last article, Tyler was my first everything. My first love, the first boy I truly allowed in and opened up to emotionally and sexually. I would have never thought in a million years that we would end up where we are now. Like every couple, Tyler and I went through the "honeymoon" phase. We were all googly eyed with flowers and cute dates. It got so bad that I even started to skip school for him. I was 100% “d*ckmatized." There wasn’t a moment where I wasn’t thinking about him or wondering what he was doing while I wasn’t attached to his hip.

Slowly, the honeymoon phase started to fizzle out and we had started to build a normal routine. We would still see each other as often as we could, but I stopped feeling like I had to skip school to be with him. I didn’t feel like I needed to be with him for every waking moment of my life. After about four months of being together officially and exclusively, I started to notice some subtle changes in his behavior. He started to become distant and every time I would try to reach out and make plans with him, he would flake or give off this “I don’t care” energy. Whenever I tried to bring up the strange behavior, he would brush it off and convince me that I was crazy. As usual, I ignored my intuition.

Tyler then started to go through a lot with his family, and as understanding, as I am, I could never shake the feeling that he was hiding something from me. I started to catch him in his lies and he would always find a way to spin the situation on me. This went on for a majority of our relationship, and for a long time, the only thing we did was have sex. Once I got to college everything got worse.

Tyler had a history of battling depression and anxiety. I spent 75% of our relationship talking him off of a literal ledge. And now that I’ve reflected on our relationship, I wholeheartedly believe he would use his depression and his mental instability to control me. Tyler was the king of manipulation. He always knew how to make me feel bad for him or for expressing myself. He knew how passionate I was, especially since I was in love with him and he used it against me.

My first semester away at school was tough. I had never been away from him for so long, and it was even more complicated because we were already in such a weird place. One night he sent me a text saying goodbye, and that he couldn’t handle being on this Earth anymore because of the issues he was dealing with at home and because I was so far away. I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach and I broke down crying. How could someone who claimed to love me just end it all so quickly, especially without even thinking of how it could affect me or his family/friends? I immediately called the suicide hotline because I felt as if I had no other options. I couldn’t call anyone and I couldn’t get to him myself. My anxiety was through the roof. I had started to hyperventilate and I couldn’t seem to get myself together.

Hours had passed and eventually, he sent me a message telling me that he was safe. This was my breaking point, and I had never been so heartbroken. I felt as if he deliberately brought up the fact that I was away to guilt trip me into coming back home. After this night, I felt the remnants of our relationship crumble slowly and I didn’t do anything to try to fix it. I was tired of being a savior. Tyler never reciprocated any of the energy I gave him. He told me he loved me but, could never show me. I became exhausted, and there was nothing left for me to fight for so I gave up. Why should I destroy myself for someone who would leave me in shambles if the roles were reversed?

Two weeks after we officially called off our relationship he had another girlfriend. It was almost as if I never even existed. It took me a long time to realize that I had to start putting myself first, because if I didn’t no one would. He taught me that I can’t save everyone, and not everyone is worth fighting for, especially when they continuously drain the life out of you. Although this was one of the most heart-wrenching relationships I had ever been in, it is the reason I’m the woman that I am today.

But, the funny thing is… He’s still in my DM’s.

CAU Woman, Writer, Creative Instagram:@Sola.ce
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