Welcome back to my article series, if you’re a new reader, this series gives a deep description of my experiences throughout my relationships as a budding young adult. Previously we discussed Jordan, Dylan, and Damon. All of these boys were pivotal in my growth and evolvement.
But as mentioned before, we’re going to get into something that is a huge milestone for most girls once they start to discover themselves and their sexuality. Today we are going to get into my virginity, the day I lost it and Tyler. Tyler was the boy that I risked it all for, literally. As much as I hate to admit it, all the other boys that were mentioned in previous articles had been very important considering I had learned and experienced some crazy sh*t throughout those relationships. But Tyler had been and still kind of is, the most important. And I don’t mean that in the “I’m still in love with him kind of way” because I actually don’t feel anything for him.
Obviously, it wasn’t always like that, there was a point in time where I hated him for putting me through so much within the two-year time-span of our relationship. Post-breakup, I had a copious amount of time to think, self-reflect and listen to Frank Ocean, Sza and Jhene Aiko. During this time, I healed and learned to forgive, which is why I’m able to write this without feeling bitter or angry and why I can admit that he was indeed, the most important. Let’s begin.
Unlike most girls, growing up, sex wasn’t a taboo “hush-hush” topic around my home, my mother was actually quite open with me and gave me a proper explanation of what sex was. My mother never gave me the reproduction explanation as her main way to communicate to me how sex worked. I didn’t get the birds & the bees either, I got, “Sex is when a man puts his penis inside of a woman’s Vagina. When a woman does it for the first time, it hurts like hell. It gets better with time, but you should always be careful who you do it with”.
To conclude our conversation, she gave me a children’s book on sex and the different parts of a woman and man. Within a couple of days, I had learned how reproduction worked and what an orgasm was. It was because of this that I never glorified my virginity, I knew it was important and that I should have sex when I was ready, but I never treated it like it was some precious, sacred thing that I had to hold on to until marriage or something like that.
The story of Tyler and mines’ relationship is complex and way too long to tell in just one article so there will be a continuation of this article next week. I met Tyler outside of the program I had gone to during the spring around April or May. I had just been dismissed and walked outside with my friends to talk and hang out with some other kids from the program. Tyler had a friend, Johnathan, who had recently dated one of my other friends so we were pretty close. I had noticed Tyler starring at us and just ignored it and kept on with my conversation. Eventually, Tyler decided to stop being weird and walked over to us. As many of my friends can tell you, I’m not good with new people at all, it was no different with Tyler.
For some reason, it seemed like he was trying to get my attention and it really started to irritate me. He continuously interrupted my conversation by hopping in and throwing in his unwanted opinions. To put the cherry on top he kept asking me questions about myself and not in a cute way either. To say that Tyler was annoying would be a complete understatement.
A couple of weeks after that disaster I had noticed that he found me on Instagram and was liking all of my pictures. After his cyberstalking, he commented on my picture and told me to DM him. I immediately shut that down and told him that if he wanted to talk to me, he could DM me himself. I guess he was drawn to my feisty-ness with him because less than 30 seconds later a notification pinged on my screen and said that I had a message from Tyler. Even though he annoyed me, I gave in and talked to him. Big MISTAKE.
As I’ve spent time reflecting on myself and who I was, I noticed that I didn’t really spend a lot of time by myself. I shouldn’t have been hopping from situation to situation because I never allowed myself to process my pain. Now that I know this, I understand why none of these situations/relationships could ever work.
Like I mentioned before, this was a very complex relationship and I will be continuing the story next week. This article was the “pre-game” for the real thing, you’re in for a good read next week!