Your relationship with yourself serves as the foundation upon which you cultivate relationships with others. Simply put, it’s difficult to have positive relationships with others if you can’t foster a positive relationship with yourself. After all, how can we expect to respect and be kind to others if we can’t even respect and be kind to ourselves?
Weirdly enough, it seems as if the relationship we have with ourselves is the hardest one to perfect. And I’m not going to lie — it’s a tough journey to start. But it’s a journey absolutely worth taking. To help you get started, here are seven tips and tricks to begin strengthening your self–relationship for an overall happier and healthier life.
- Recognize negative self–talk.
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Begin to take notice of how you talk to yourself. When you make a mistake, do you internalize it? For example, if you do poorly on an exam, do you tell yourself you’re “stupid”? Or, do you recognize that you did your best and try to figure out how to study differently next time? Recognizing how you regularly talk to yourself is a great first step to a healthier self–relationship because it reveals how you relate to yourself, what effect your internal dialogue has on you, and how you can begin to change.
A great way to combat these negative thoughts is to journal. Create two columns in your journal: one for the negative thoughts you’re having and one for positive affirmations that combat each specific negative thought. This could look like: “I am unlovable” vs “I have several people who care for me deeply. I am loved whether I’m ready to accept that today or not.”
- Practice acceptance.
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We all get caught up in trying to achieve the best version of ourselves. We’re told: “work harder, do better, get stronger.” But what if you accept that you’re the best version of yourself today, and tomorrow you’ll be the best version of yourself that day?
While it’s great to have long–term goals, it’s also important to accept where we’re currently at. It’s comforting to know that today, I’m doing my best, even if today’s best isn’t as good as tomorrow’s. Practicing this kind of acceptance will help reduce self-criticism, guilt over not being “better,” and overall unhappiness. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, you’ll begin to realize what you’ve been given and will start to embrace it.
- Listen to your body’s needs.
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Proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise are the foundations of a healthy self–relationship. Caring for our basic physical needs allows us to explore what truly fulfills us in life. It proves that we truly care about ourselves, thereby building a healthy form of self–trust.
- Practice mindfulness.
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Mindfulness is a way of living in which you focus on being acutely aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without interpretation or judgment. There are several ways to practice mindfulness, including yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises. Practicing mindfulness has been linked to several benefits, such as stress reduction, metacognitive awareness, enhanced attentional capacities, and improved emotion–regulation.
A great place to begin learning how to properly practice mindfulness is on YouTube. Here, you can find several “mindfulness for beginners” videos that’ll be sure to put you on the right path to inner peace.
- Acknowledge what you’re grateful for everyday.
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Something that has really helped me create a healthier relationship with myself and where I’m at in life is writing down five things I’m grateful for everyday. I find that, even on my worst days, there’s always something I’m thankful for, and that motivates me to push through to the next, better day. Things that you’re grateful for can range from small to large to everything in–between. Some of my favorite things to be grateful for when I’m struggling to find other inspirations include: fueling my body with nutrients, warm showers, cozy blankets, and lovely–smelling candles.
- Clean your social media feeds.
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So many times, we’re drawn to those “perfect,” beautiful social media influencers that make us envious, or social media pages that tell us to lose weight or otherwise change our appearance. But for what? You have to take a thorough look at what these posts are telling you and how they influence your way of thinking.
The bottom line is that anything that makes you feel less special and amazing than you are shouldn’t be on your feed. Get rid of it! Instead, fill your feed with body–positive and mental health–friendly accounts that boost, rather than dampen, your mood.
- Surround yourself with those who share similar life goals.
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It’s so important to have people in your life who share common goals, morals, and mindsets. Doing so will ensure that you have others who support and understand your path in life. We need people who will push us to be our best selves, but also those who will sit with us without judgement when we have a bad day, even if we’re crying and eating an entire tub of ice cream. We need people who accept both our highs and lows because in the end, we’re all human and we all need love and support. In short, those who share similar life goals will provide you the space to grow.
While I’m sure there are a million other ways to strengthen your relationship with yourself, the ones listed above are a great place to start. I know that many changes may seem overwhelming, but just take them one step at a time, one day at a time. Eventually, what seems impossible in the beginning will become habit, and you’ll be that much closer to finding your inner peace and soul–self. I believe in you.