Turning 21 was one of the biggest highlights of my year. I visited my sister, who’s also my best friend, in Chicago and spent time with wonderful people in such a fantastic city. Honestly, it was my favorite birthday I’ve ever had. Then, right when I was about to make it back home, chaos happened: I hit a deer and totaled my car.
Suddenly, my plans were thrown into disarray and my semester became much more complicated, especially with upcoming midterms. Between figuring out transportation, dealing with the aftermath, and trying to maintain some semblance of my normal routine, I felt like my life had been turned upside down in two seconds. On top of it all, I was on my period.
I found it comical how quickly a wonderful experience could turn into a series of inconveniences I had absolutely no control over. I couldn’t stop the deer from running out, magically get my car back, or convince my period to wait until I had a little less going on. I could’ve spent hours being upset about everything that had gone wrong, but none of that would change what happened.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t care about your schedule, your plans, or whether you have the emotional capacity to deal with one more thing. Sometimes, things happen that are unfair and completely outside your control. While you cannot always choose what happens to you, you can choose how you respond. So, when life decides to throw a deer, a totaled car, and a period at you all at once, here are four ways to navigate the chaos without letting it consume you.
- Let Yourself Freak Out Before You Figure It Out
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We often expect ourselves to handle difficult situations with grace. We want to stay calm, make a plan, and immediately figure everything out. However, that’s not always realistic.
Sometimes, you simply need a minute to be upset before you can think about what comes next. When something unexpected happens, permit yourself to feel whatever you are feeling! If you need to cry, cry. You don’t have to turn every inconvenience into a lesson about resilience.
After totaling my car, I had to process more than just losing my car. I was suddenly dealing with a disrupted routine, the stress of figuring out what to do next, the realization that my semester would look a little different than planned, and I was allowed to be upset about that.
I found that acknowledging that something is difficult doesn’t mean you are incapable of handling it. You can feel frustrated while still trusting yourself to move forward.
- Separate What You Can Control From What You Can’t
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Worrying about something doesn’t give you control over it. I could replay the deer running out in front of me a thousand times or imagine how different my semester would have been if I had made it home without any of it happening. None of those thoughts would change what happened.
Instead of spending all of my energy on the details of why it happened and what could’ve alternatively happened, I had to try focusing on what was next. I cannot control the fact that an accident occurred or how inconvenient the timing was.
This doesn’t mean pretending that things outside your control don’t matter. Losing my car affected my everyday life, and I couldn’t simply decide that it was no big deal. It meant accepting the situation at hand while figuring out how to navigate it!
When everything feels overwhelming, I like to ask myself: What is one thing I can do right now to make this situation a little more bearable? Maybe that means emailing a professor, simply giving yourself time, or making a to-do list. You don’t have to solve your entire life in one afternoon! Sometimes, getting through the next hour is enough.
- Let People Help You
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Between managing classes, maintaining friendships, and handling everyday responsibilities, it feels like we should have it all under control. When something goes wrong, asking for help can feel like admitting that we don’t. Independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone!
When an unexpected situation disrupts your life, there’s no prize for making it harder on yourself by refusing support. If your friends can check in on you, your family can offer advice, or a classmate can help you catch up on notes, let them.
You don’t have to wait until you are completely overwhelmed to reach out. There’s no reason to prove that you can handle everything alone. Letting someone help you is a reminder that you were never meant to navigate every difficult moment by yourself.
- Give Yourself Permission to Have a Bad Day
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You’re allowed to have a bad day without turning it into a bad week or a personal failure. This is the biggest one that I’ve had to learn. There’s always so much pressure to find the bright side of everything. We’re encouraged to learn from our mistakes and trust that everything happens for a reason. While those perspectives can be helpful at times, not every difficult experience needs to become an inspirational story.
Sometimes, your car gets totaled. Sometimes, your period arrives at an inconvenient time. Sometimes, your semester becomes unnecessarily stressful, and you’re just trying to make it through the week. You don’t need to find a profound meaning in every inconvenience to move forward!
Being gentle with yourself means recognizing that your capacity changes depending on what you’re dealing with. You might not be as productive after a stressful experience, and you might need more rest or extra support. That doesn’t mean you are failing. It means you’re adjusting to circumstances you didn’t plan for.
Give yourself credit for continuing to move forward, even when progress looks different from what you expected. If all you accomplish on a particularly difficult day is getting through your responsibilities and making it to bed, that counts, too.
Dealing with Chaos
Life is going to happen, so be gentle with yourself! You can only decide how to approach the circumstances you find yourself in.
The next time life throws you a curveball, remember that you don’t have to figure everything out immediately. Let yourself feel your feelings, focus on what you can change, lean on the people who care about you, and give yourself permission to be human. You can take a breath, ask for help, and remind yourself that one terrible day doesn’t define your entire life. Sometimes, that’s more than enough.
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