For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a part of a team.
From varsity sports to debate conventions, I’d spent most of high school building friendships within a group setting, so naturally, joining a sorority felt like the next step.
What was the worst that could happen? It seemed as though everyone was rushing, from influencers to hometown friends, and they all seemed to have positive experiences in finding their “second homes.” Despite going in with zero expectations and little preparation, I quickly grew attached to the process.
However, being inexperienced with rush didn’t make me feel any less devastated by the sting of rejections as I looked at my nearly empty house list for the philanthropy round. The blank schedule on my PNM Companion app seemed to validate all of my previous insecurities that I could never fit the mold of a “sorority girl.”
Yet, one overdramatic phone call to my mom and a few tears later, I was back in the fight. After looking at the sad march of sulking girls in line to drop sorority rush, I was determined not to let this process break me and to see the final round through. I’d already invested so much time and energy that I felt obligated to continue.
Needless to say, the bid I received was for a sorority that didn’t exactly feel like my “home away from home.” But my fear of missing out kept me from saying no. I desperately wanted to have what felt like a universal UCSB freshman experience: themed gatherings, cute formal pictures, and even the dreaded long chapter meetings.
More than anything, after struggling with UCSB’s on-campus housing, I knew I needed stability. Better yet, by living in a sorority house, I could fulfill my Legally Blonde dreams of being surrounded by a group of motivated and like-minded women.
But something I had to learn the hard way in college is that life doesn’t always go according to plan. So, when I felt like I wasn’t finding “my people” in my sorority chapter, I knew it was time to step away from Greek life, even if it meant that I had to revise my perfect four-year plan.
But leaving sorority life meant that my social life was filled with question marks. Would I regret never being able to attend another date party, live in sorority housing, or experience the built-in sisterhood that comes with Greek Life?
I’ve spent the last quarter worried that I’d miss out on the quintessential college experience. Yet as I close out on the final weeks of freshman year, I can confidently say that I have conquered my Greek life FOMO.
While I don’t regret putting myself out there by participating in sorority rush, if I could change anything, it would be my mindset towards the process. So, to the potential new member feeling discouraged about your rush prospects, here’s some advice for how to stay positive when the Greek Life chaos gets you down.
1.) SOMETIMES THE SISTERHOOD IS ALL AROUND
When I think of sorority friendships, I immediately think of Elle Woods getting engulfed by hugs from her sisters after revealing her LSAT score. Being surrounded by a supportive group of women sounded exactly up my alley, and I was heartbroken that I couldn’t find my fit.
Yet, in pursuit of a picture-perfect sisterhood, I had forgotten about my powerful female friendships that already existed. Sometimes, your best friend isn’t the girl you meet on bid day, but the girl who gives you a massive bear hug after a tough day of rush.
2.) IT’S MORE FUN ON INSTAGRAM
Some of my greatest Greek life FOMO has come from scrolling through my Instagram stories. But from my experience, events like formal are really just a dressed-up high school dance, with the same awkwardness and bad music. Much of the anxiety comes less from missing the events themselves, but rather, the fact that everyone you know is in attendance.
My advice to battle this is to make fun memories of your own! Maybe get dressed up and have a dinner date with your friends in downtown SB. You can still take photos, but this time you might actually enjoy it instead of pretending to.
3.) YOU CAN STILL GO OUT
It’s no secret that participating in Greek life gives you access to parties, whether that be mixers, also known as “themed gatherings,” on weeknights or Group Mes for weekend parties. But fear not, your weekends and weeknights won’t be empty. Luckily, as a girl, you can get into almost any party at UCSB, even “themed gatherings” if you have friends in Greek Life.
UCSB has such an inclusive party scene that even if you are not in a sorority, you can still participate in certain sorority events. The best part is that you can go wherever you want, on your terms.
4.) CHAPTER MEETINGS
Chapter meetings, basically, the definition of this could’ve been an email. These meetings, usually held after Monday night dinner, consist of providing updates on sorority activities for the week. However, most of these reminders can usually be found in GroupMe updates or meeting minutes without the need for a four-hour-long meeting. Leaving Greek Life has allowed me to regain my time, whether that be for school, work, or just rest.
All in all, I completely resonate with the frustration of feeling left out when it seems like everyone and their mother is in a sorority. It can be difficult to meet girls that you genuinely connect with, only to feel like a few Greek letters are what’s separating you from full-on friendship.
Yet, leaving the Greek Life bubble has helped me redefine what I wanted from my college experience and appreciate the sisterhood already present within my friendships.
If you just look beyond the surface, you’ll realize that sisterhood is all around you.