Ladies, it’s time to have “the talk”. Don’t worry, I promise this will not be a repeat of your high school health class. Instead, I want to talk about what isn’t typically in the curriculum – pleasure.
Now, it’s no surprise that pleasure is the key to having more satisfying sex with your partner. For some, sexual pleasure is a very prevalent part of their lives that is found to be easily achievable. However, others may find it to be more of a challenge, which can often lead to feelings of sexual frustration and avoidance.
Luckily for us, achieving an intense orgasm isn’t something we innately know how to do; it’s something we learn.
A great way to begin this learning process is to understand and embrace an essential player in finding pleasure in sex – your sexual self-concept.
What Is A Sexual Self-Concept?
It sounds complex, but it is much simpler than you may think. According to an article from the National Library of Medicine, a sexual self-concept can be described as “one’s view of their own sexuality and encompasses people’s feelings about themselves as sexual beings.”
This concept initially develops in adolescence, often when the contest of who has the biggest cup size begins. And depending on where you were placed, our views on our sexuality were cemented as either positive or negative.
These views then follow us into adulthood and, depending on the severity, heavily affect our relationship with sex.
Why It’s So Important
Don’t believe me? The proof is in the pudding. Studies show that our sexual self-concept has a massive impact on our sexual well-being, which is crucial to our overall quality of life and psychological health. Another study shows a strong link between sexual self-concept and improved sexual satisfaction, desire, and communication.
Besides enhanced communication and general well-being, a healthy sexual self-concept can also lead to safer practices, especially among young adults.
In other words, the more you know what you like and want, the more confident you’ll be to ask for it. Being comfortable with your sexual desires will also encourage you to decline offers that don’t align with your preferences. Remember – respect your body’s boundaries.
Practice Makes Progress
I’m not going to gaslight you into thinking practice makes perfect. Understanding and embracing your sexual self-concept takes time and consistency. The goal is to find growth and efficacy in your body’s sexual desires, which in turn leads to more pleasurable sex.
Below, I have listed a few suggestions to connect with your sexual aura.
Create your own routine
When you have some much-needed me-time and privacy on your hands, set the mood for yourself. Create an atmosphere where you are at your calmest and most relaxed. Whether it’s a bubble bath, a good book, or yoga, get yourself into a low-energy headspace. Once your mind and body have released all that tension, explore your body. Touch yourself in the places you’re comfortable doing so, and let yourself revel in the sensations. Finding a routine that gets you in the mood not only releases pent-up stress but also fosters your sexual self-concept.
Experiment with your partner
If you feel comfortable, ask your partner to explore your desires with you. Remember to take it slow; learning shouldn’t be rushed. Be vocal with your partner. Tell them when something feels pleasurable or lacks thereof. This is a great way to discover new cravings and encourage healthy sexual communication between you and your partner. As your confidence increases, so will your sexual self-concept.
Talk With A Sex Therapist
Sometimes the best way to sift through your deep-rooted sexual frustrations and problems is to simply talk it out. However, this may not be the best conversation to have with a parent or even a close friend, so I suggest reaching out to a certified sex therapist. Once you have found a sex therapist who fits your needs, they should be able to help identify the root of your sexual dissatisfaction and, with baby steps, begin guiding you towards healing your relationship with sex and pleasure.
Conclusion
Remember, ladies – what you don’t know, you can’t ask for. Mind-blowing sex and unlimited orgasms begin with you…and perhaps a little vibration every now and then ;)
*Note: Your sexual and physical safety are a priority. If you are ever feeling as though you are in a sexually unsafe situation or relationship, help is available at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233).