Need To Mentally Prepare For A Party? Here Are 5 Expert Tips

If you’re anything like me, you’ll pick a quiet night in with a new read or a movie over going to a stranger’s house for a party 10 out of 10 times. But whether it’s as an exercise in stepping out of your comfort zone, a favor for a friend, or just because you’re interested in celebrating Halloween a little differently this year, you may very well find yourself about to set foot into the strange world of parties with no idea how to deal with it. However, there are ways to mentally prepare yourself for a night out — and an expert has all the tips.

The idea of partying can be stressful for a whole host of reasons: there are the awkward social situations, the over-stimulation, or just the plain old discomfort with a new space. Still, there are steps you can take before — and while — attending a party to best care for your mental health and make the experience more enjoyable. To get some insight into what strategies you should use to best prepare to party, I spoke to Shari B. Kaplan, LCSW, a licensed mental health expert and psychotherapist. 

Kaplan starts by emphasizing the importance of listening to your anxiety responses — they’re a natural process, even if they’re often triggered by unnatural situations. Even with practice, partying may never be the easiest thing to do. “Remember, difficulty with partying isn’t a character flaw,” Kaplan says. “It’s information about your nervous system, [a] personal boundary that deserves respect, or sometimes it’s just plain preference to not engage in partying-like activities.” 

But if you’re looking to push yourself a bit and want some help, here are five tips from Kaplan on how to mentally prepare yourself for partying — and how to make sure that your friends know how to help you, too.

Start with a self-assessment.

In order to best take care of yourself, you need to recognize where you are. To do this, Kaplan recommends starting with an honest self-assessment. “What are you hoping to get from this experience? Connection? Fun? A break from stress? Or are you going because you feel you ‘should’?” Kaplan asks. Setting goals might help you focus when things get overwhelming, or provide a clearer target than just going out to go out. 

Still, make sure those goals are realistic! “Set intentions rather than expectations,” Kaplan suggests. “Maybe it’s ‘I want to have one meaningful conversation’ rather than ‘I need to have the best night ever.’” 

Create a “social safety plan”.

If your anxiety goes beyond the social, part of the hesitation about parties may be a safety component. Kaplan recommends thinking about these things ahead of time. “Decide in advance: How long will you stay? What’s your transportation plan? Who’s your trusted person to check in with?” she says. It’s also a good idea to let your friends know that you’re nervous, so they know to check in with you.

Stay connected to yourself,

Mental preparation is never a one-and-done practice — you should continue to take inventory of your feelings and reactions throughout your party experience. “Stay connected to your body,” Kaplan says. “It never lies. Check in with yourself regularly: Are my shoulders tense? Am I holding my breath? Am I feeling energized or drained?” 

This means that whenever you have the time, pause to see what your body is telling you. “When you’re speaking to somebody or you’re in a situation, check in with how you feel in relation to that person or situation. If it feels yucky, it is yucky,” Kaplan explains. “Trust the sensations. You have your own internal wisdom. Most of it comes to you nonverbally before you ever have language/thoughts, which can create self-doubt.” When it comes down to it, trust your internal cues. “Your body will tell you when it’s time to step outside for air, find a quieter space, or head home.”

Give yourself grace.

Self-care means giving yourself the empathy you deserve. While you’re out, Kaplan suggests, “Create micro-breaks for yourself. Even stepping into a bathroom for two minutes of mindful breathing can reset your nervous system.” It’s okay if that means leaving at an otherwise inopportune time — taking breaks means you’ll be ready to get back into it with the right energy!

When it comes to your self-talk, that too should be kind. “Monitor your internal dialogue,” Kaplan advises. “If you notice harsh self-judgment or comparison, that’s your cue to practice self-compassion. Ask yourself: ‘What would I tell a dear friend feeling this way right now?’”

Use the Buddy System.

Buddy systems don’t have to be just to make sure that no one is physically alone — they can be for emotional support, too! “Establish buddy systems that aren’t just about physical safety but emotional well-being, too,” Kaplan suggests. “Friends can help by agreeing to use code words for ‘I need to leave’ or ‘I need support,’ and by normalizing stepping away when needed.” 

If partying is stressful, make sure you have a support system of good friends. Kaplan emphasizes that good friends are people who check in without judgment, pressure, shame, or pushing your boundaries. 

And remember: “Your college social life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful,” Kaplan says. “The way students connect socially varies between large group parties and small group settings since both approaches are equally acceptable. Your goal could be to increase your comfort zone through experiences that respect your nervous system’s natural limits.” 

Whether your weekend plans are staying out or staying in, make sure you take care of yourself and your friends!

• anxiety
• mental health
• partying
• wellness