For most, meditating sounds like a welcome relief from the noise of everyday life. I am not most. It’s actually kinda my worst nightmare. I have never been able to sit still for long. My brain constantly runs at 100 miles an hour. And I have horrible asthma, so I’m naturally deficient at breathing exercises. Despite all of this, my editor decided my assignment is to meditate every morning (another thing I’m bad at… mornings), to see if it helps my mental health.
My initial instinct was to write about ten excuses to get out of this particular assignment. I am sick (true). My mental health is fine (debatable). I’m allergic to namaste (we will find out). However, I took a pause and realized that if the most challenging thing on my to-do list is to sit still and relax, that is a battle this soldier can brave.
Of course, before I could venture into the dangerous art of meditation, I had to consult an expert on how a beginner like myself can get started. Amanda McCarroll has been instructing yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises for over 25 years. “The biggest thing I have learned is that it has to be short (no more than 15 minutes) and task-oriented,” McCarroll says about her strategy for a successful morning meditation. “Instead of telling them to sit still and breathe, I create a routine of subtle seated movements and breathing that are very meditative.”
After hearing this, I am feeling a little more confident. Like Sabrina Carpenter said, “I can do a lot with 15 minutes.” More specifically, McCarroll recommended I try exercises like seated hip circles in both directions and wide leg straddles with alternating extended legs in sequences of two to three minutes.
To properly run this experiment, I should give you an evaluation of where I’m at. My mental health is pretty consistently good, so I don’t expect any epiphanies. However, one huge goal of mine is not to immediately hop on my phone when I wake up. Hopefully, having another task when I open my eyes will help me divert my attention and set more substantial intentions for the rest of my day. I will make sure to jot down any dirty details on the ebb and flow of my mental health and my thoughts on meditation.
Day 1
I woke up with meditation hot on the brain. Foregoing my initial instinct to check Instagram, I set a timer and meditated first thing in the morning. Honestly, calling it meditation might be a bit of a leap. I really felt like I just stretched. I may not have found my mind’s eye, but I was able to move my body and get some peace for eight minutes before giving up. But after that, I still didn’t pick up my phone (huge win). Instead, I took my dogs on a nice walk. Overall, I struggle to say that I properly meditated, but the attempt definitely set me up for a peaceful morning.
Day 2
Day 2, I wanted to take the actual breathing exercises part a bit more seriously. However, it was a bit of a flop. As I mentioned, I’m a terrible asthmatic. I also happened to have bronchitis — so breathing is hard as is. But for some reason, when I tried to think about breathing better, it made me want to hack up a lung. On the flip side, I was still a big fan of the stretching aspect.
Day 3
Alright, folks, this is where things get messy. My Day 3 meditation attempt was pretty similar to before. Unfortunately, my quest to use my phone less worked a little too well. It made me start thinking. As a post-grad princess, thinking can be dangerous. There is a lot of untapped existential dread about my place in the world. Let’s just say that dread was tapped, and I may have had a full-on quarter-life crisis crash out. I am not blaming it directly on the meditation, but feeling such horror about my life is highly unusual for me.
I think that being off of my technology is a win, but I need to fill that space with a different noise: exercise, creativity, or social life. Meditation is the quintessential absence of noise, and I think that the empty space was overwhelming for me.
Day 4
Meditating felt like both a reset and a nuisance on Day 4. I got to reflect on my crashout and set tangible goals on how I could make my day a better day. That definitely helped set my day up for more success. But meditating felt like a nuisance because I had to get up early for a flight. I just kept thinking I would’ve rather slept in the extra 15 minutes. If I were to implement meditation into my regular routine, I think it would only be on mornings when I get to rise at my leisure. Sleep will always come first for me.
Day 5
This was my first and only day trying to meditate before work. My goal for the meditation was to take my mind off the work-related tasks for the day, which tend to stress me out, and just focus on my personal well-being. In an attempt to ward off the dread spiral, I focused my thoughts on gratitude. Turns out there are a lot of good things going on in my life, despite what Day 3 Ginger would tell you. I definitely believe having designated time to be calm and focus on good things sets me up for a successful and peaceful day.
Did meditating in the morning help my mental health? Yes and no. I do think meditation is at partial fault for my spiral of doom and despair. I also think it was semi-inevitable, and meditation may have helped me out of it. Mostly, I think I didn’t meditate super well. I truly lack the focus for proper meditation and would need a lot more practice to do McCarroll’s guidelines any justice. But being able to adjust the meditation to my needs of stretching and gratitude with no technology was a win for me, and I would definitely try it again.
For anyone thinking about trying morning meditations, I would recommend giving it a shot. My expectations made me feel like meditating has to be super serious and particular, but thankfully, free will exists! It’s worth it to test different meditations, stretches, or mindfulness exercises to see if any work for you. Meditation definitely doesn’t have to mean finding your third eye. For me, it will probably mean five minutes of stretching, planning out my day, and finding three things to look forward to while trying not to cough up a lung.