It feels like I am seeing tons of people going through breakups this cuffing season (and, unfortunately, I’ve been there). Breakups can be one of the most emotionally overwhelming things you can go through in your early 20s. Tons of guilt, disappointment, and uncertainty come with the end of a relationship — and that can be a lot to handle. With all of these big feelings, it’s super important to find coping mechanisms that a healthy to help you heal after a breakup. That is, along with eating some ice cream and scream-crying to Taylor Swift on a loop. I don’t judge. Again, been there.
After a breakup, journaling can be an amazing way to reflect on your relationship and get you started on your healing journey. Not only that, but journaling can be a healing way to work through everything you are feeling: It lets you take time to acknowledge the feelings, validate yourself, and most importantly, remind you why the relationship didn’t work. It’s been shown that journaling can reduce stress, provide a healing way to express feelings, and provide a way to figure out the next step. And, amid a breakup, catharsis may be just what you need to move on.
It’s time for a post-breakup glow-up — mentally, I mean. So, grab a pen and your favorite notebook and start with your mind.
- What red flags did you ignore at the beginning of this relationship?
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It’s easy to miss red flags when you are wearing rose-colored glasses, so acknowledge them now to show that this was not the relationship for you.
- Write a thank you note to your ex.
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Definitely grab the tissues because this will make you feel all the feels since you will be talking about the best parts of your relationship.
- What do you not miss about being in a relationship?
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This is really about embracing independence.
- What are things you didn’t do because of your partner you can now enjoy?
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Maybe they hated your favorite band or your hometown. Let yourself list the things you can enjoy more now that you’re Miss Independent.
- List three reasons your ex was not the right person for you.
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They might not have wanted kids and believed in the same things as you politically, but this list can serve as a reminder of why things didn’t work out.
- Did my ex try to change me? In what ways?
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Really think about this one.
- How did this relationship allow me to grow?
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It’s OK if you feel like you grew and changed for the better. Reflecting on this growth can show that even though the relationship didn’t work out it, made you a better person.
- List 10 reasons that the relationship wouldn’t work even if you got back together.
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There might be a million little reasons in your head, but getting them all out and onto paper can let you feel some ease in knowing that getting back together might not be a great option.
- What is the biggest thing in life that is bringing you joy right now?
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Embrace joy even in this season of loss. This can be a great space to celebrate what’s bringing you joy, even if it’s just pumpkin spice and cozy blankets.
- ____ is what I want to remember from my past relationship.
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Change the narrative and give yourself the space to remember the best parts of your relationship.
- Are you good or bad at compartmentalizing feelings?
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You might not know, but researching and thinking it through can give you some insight in both past and future relationships.
- Did you have time to prepare for the end of your relationship, or did it end suddenly?
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Go into how the end of everything left you feeling.
- In what ways are you stronger or more evolved since the ending of your relationship?
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It’s time to get back to being yourself, what have you done since it ended to be a better you?
- Looking back, what have you learned about yourself and your relationship in general?
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Even though it didn’t work out, there were lessons learned.
- What’s something you can do today that will help you bounce back stronger?
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Dance to Taylor Swift, talk to your friends, and think deeply to emerge an even stronger version of yourself.
- What’s something you know now that you didn’t know before?
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Turning heartbreak into a learning experience can be empowering and educational.
- Are you afraid of being alone?
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This one hits TBH, but a healthy relationship with yourself is always the priority.
- Do you truly believe you and your ex were compatible, or were you always trying to make it work?
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Figuring out if you were the only one working at a successful relationship can make moving on a little easier.
- Do you feel stupid or guilty for entering the relationship?
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Acknowledge any regretful feelings you might have now that you are in a season of heartbreak.
- Do you enjoy fantasizing about your ex? Why?
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Listen, there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming but let’s figure out why you can’t get them out of your head.
- What do you wish your ex knew about you?
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Opening up to yourself to recognize that you didn’t fully open up to them can help with realizing this was not the perfect relationship.
- What do you not miss about being in a relationship?
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If everything was perfect you wouldn’t have ended things, so this list can be a reminder as to why you were ready for a breakup.
- What were some of the more negative behavior patterns in your relationship?
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This can be a good place to call yourself out too, allowing you to recognize places you need to grow before your next relationship.
- What does the word “heartbreak” mean to you?
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Turn on some sad breakup songs and let all of the emotions flow.
- What do you want in a future partner that you didn’t have in your past partner?
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Consider it manifesting the perfect future partner.
- What was your part in the relationship ending?
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Was it your idea? Did you change your behavior to send them signals you were unhappy?
- Do you have any self-doubts after this relationship?
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And recognize how you can combat those thoughts as you move on.
- What are four awesome things about being single?
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Get ready and excited for the fun of dating and having a little more independence.
- What are two ways you can practice self-love daily?
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Taking time for yourself to heal is so important to have healthy relationships in the future.
- Write your ex a letter expressing everything you want to say. Rip it up afterward.
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Pour all the emotions out, be mean and heartbroken and by ripping it up you get all the anger out without hurting any other people.
- What are three goals that will help you feel like yourself again?
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Maybe you need to get back into wearing those pants your ex hated, or working out, or trying a new hobby, but finding yourself again is the most important part of healing after a breakup.
- Write a list of all the qualities you want in a future partner.
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Manifesting.
- How is your body physically reacting to the breakup?
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Are you not sleeping as well? Something else? Figuring out what changed can help you get back to normal.
- Write a letter to yourself in a year sharing where you hope to be in life.
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This is the perfect place to manifest some goals.
- When have you missed your ex today? Why did you miss them?
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It can be hard knowing that your inside jokes and favorite memories are over, so let yourself miss the relationship.
- How have your priorities and goals changed since the end of the relationship?
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Maybe this is the thing you needed to apply for a new position or move to a new city.
- How do you envision your life and future without your ex in it?
- Have you established clear boundaries with your ex in order to facilitate your healing process?
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It might be time to recognize that blocking them is the right move if they haven’t left you alone.
- If you’re holding on tight to the relationship, what do you fear you’ll lose by letting go?
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You deserve to let yourself move on.
- How do you want to show up or be viewed in your next relationship?
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Starting the narrative now about the kind of partner you want to be in your next relationship, will let you better be that person.
