Black Friday is all about getting hard, right? Oops, I mean — going hard. From budgeting months in advance to spending hours scouring through stores to find the best deals, Black Friday should lowkey be considered an Olympic sport — but who says all that energy has to stop at the mall? If you’re already in the mood to break a sweat, it might be your sign that it’s time to swap out those shopping bags for some condoms. Because why not try out some Black Friday sex positions?
Think of it this way: Black Friday really is the perfect excuse to try something new — whether that’s a funky new outfit, a crazy impulsive buy, or a brand new sex position that’ll have you feeling like you just hit the jackpot in the pleasure department. Truthfully, it’s the one day of the year where chaos feels kind of… hot. And honestly, after waiting in line for hours or clicking on endless “add to cart” buttons, you deserve some stress relief that doesn’t involve a shopping cart or credit card.
So, grab your partner (don’t forget your fave toy!) and get ready for the real post-Thanksgiving workout. These six Black Friday sex positions will have you sweating, giggling, and burning off that third slice of pie — because some deals are best enjoyed face-to-face and mouth-to-mouth.
- The Post-Pie Special
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IDK about you, but by the time Black Friday rolls around, I’m absolutely wiped. After a full day of eating, socializing, and trying not to pass out mid-pumpkin pie, lying down feels like the only “deal” I care about. But hey, who says you can’t turn a nap into something a little more… hands-on?
With this position, the receiving partner lies on their side while the giving partner positions themselves behind, chest to back, in a spooning position. From there, the giving partner penetrates from behind — ideal for when you’re too full to move but still in the mood.Â
- The Checkout Line
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For me, Black Friday is all about standing in lines — racing from store to store, juggling shopping bags, and trying not to trip over someone else’s cart. But if you’re trying to take that energy somewhere a little more spicy, why not try a standing sex position?Â
With both partners standing face-to-face, the receiving partner lifts a leg to rest on the giving partner’s waist while they hold the leg and penetrate. Who knew standing in line could feel this thrilling?
- Blackout Sexday
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OK, I have to be honest with y’all — my favorite part about Black Friday is actually Drinksgiving. With “Blackout Wednesday,” the tradition of going out and drinking the night before Thanksgiving, being basically a national holiday at this point, I was totally inspired to make a Blackout Wednesday-themed sex position. (Though, just note that neither you nor your partner should be under the influence while engaging in this position — consent isn’t just sexy, it’s the bare minimum!)
It’s simple: Strip, turn the lights off, close the blinds, maybe even grab a blindfold or two, and let you and your partner find each other. Whether you want to start with your fingers, some tongue action, or maybe you want to immediately get down and dirty with your fave position, I’d be lying if I said that sex in complete darkness isn’t hot AF. And there’s honestly no better way to recover from a deadly hangover than by letting someone take care of you in all the right ways.Â
- The Leftover Special
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OK, everyone knows that the best part of Black Friday is devouring endless Thanksgiving leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But what if you had… something better to chow down on? In this classic 69 position, both partners line up head to genitals, letting you take turns giving and receiving at the same time — think of it as dessert, but way better.
- The Two-For-One
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Who says Black Friday deals have to stay in stores? With the Two-For-One, you get double the fun without any lines, crowds, or TK. With this setup, the giving partner penetrates in your fave position while also using a vibrator (or any preferred toy) on the receiving partner — because multitasking has never felt so good. And trust me when I say it’s a two-for-one deal you’ll never regret.
- The Shopping Bag
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With Black Friday being all about carrying clothes and shopping bags, it’s about time we carry something… different. Have the giving partner standing while the receiving partner straddles them, allowing for face-to-face penetration. Because some bags are way more fun to hold onto than others.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember — Black Friday really is about getting the best bang for your buck.