After a long day of damaging your credit score on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, there’s no better excuse than to treat yourself. And instead of justifying yet another purchase, there’s an arguably better reward out there — and you can get it for free with the help of a partner (or two) and some Black Friday sex positions: an orgasm.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: Black Friday might be, like, the least horny holiday on the calendar. (What part of spending half of a paycheck turns anyone on?) The packed stores are a recipe for anxiety, you have a front-row seat to a declining balance on your card, and after all of the BF/CM madness, the last thing anyone would want is to put in any physical effort — especially in the sack. However, it’s been theorized that having an orgasm can deliver some pretty awesome benefits from stress relief to promoting those mood-boosting endorphins. So, when you’re taking the time to unwind after a long day of shopping, what’s stopping you from having a little bit of fun? I’ll tell you: literally nothing.
In honor of *the giving season*, I’ve rounded up some of the best Black Friday and Cyber Monday sex positions to try out. These positions are low-effort, high-reward (IYKYK), and sure to make you forget about your credit score… even just for a few minutes.
- Spooning
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Feeling exhausted after all of your shopping? This one is for you. With your partner behind you, position yourselves on your side and have your partner spoon, and penetrate, you from the back. This position feels great and requires little effort — perfect for that post-shopping fatigue.
- The Shopping cart
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I know, I’m so unserious — but hear me out. This sex position is perfect if you’re a fan of the typical doggy-style position, with your partner penetrating from the back. To do this, position yourself on all fours and have your partner enter from the back. From there, place your hands on your hips, and have your partner hold you up with your back still arched. Not only does this position allow for deeper penetration, but it’s a great way to spice up a classic.
- Missionary
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Pillow princesses? Unite! With your partner on top, simply get comfortable on the bed and have them penetrate in the good ‘ol-fashioned missionary position. You can even place a pillow under your back for extra comfort. ICYMI, there’s nothing wrong with being vanilla — especially if you’re tired AF.
- Laying oral
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This position is for all of my lazy folks out there (myself included). The best part? Your only job is to enjoy it. Laying at the foot of your bed, have your partner kneel on the floor and pleasure you for as long as you please. (Pro tip: Hook your legs over their shoulders for extra comfort and support.)
Arianna Tucker / Her Campus - Seated Face-To-Face
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Finally, this is for my friends who like being on top, but hate the literal cardio routine it entails. With your partner seated on a chair, all you need to do is straddle them and grind as they penetrate. This position is super intimate, and perfect if you’re looking to have some gentle, lazy sex.
Hey, Black Friday and Cyber Monday are awesome… for some people. Whether you’re stressed after shopping, or bored at home after you shopped your entire cart, take some time to treat yourself to the gift of pleasure. Because, like, why not — right?