Let’s be honest: most of us, at some point, have wandered to the back of a Spencer’s before to check out the sex toys. Among the many colorful vibrators and different-sized dildos, you may have spotted something very specific that piqued your interest: a strap-on. If you’re looking for something to turn up the heat this summer in the bedroom, using a strap-on is a perfect way to spice things up. But how do you know what kind of toy to start off with? Or which harness is best? Or what positions work best for beginners? Luckily for you, I’ve got all the info on the best beginner strap-on sex positions — and how to do ‘em — from an expert.
Using a strap-on during sex is a fun way to switch things up and explore new things with your lover. Strap-ons often have a rap for being used within the queer community, but there aren’t any rules on who can and can’t use one; this toy can be enjoyed by both queer and straight couples alike.
But first and foremost: how does a strap-on work? Essentially, a strap-on is a harness that wraps around the legs and waist (similar to a pair of underwear) with a toy attached to it that can penetrate your partner — usually, a dildo. “For a first toy, you want something smooth and basic in body-safe silicone that’s hard enough to actually penetrate, but with a little give so it stays pleasant. Save the huge curves and textures for later,” says sexual wellness expert at The Dildo Hub, Evan Hunter. “Remember that the dildo has to fit the O-ring on the harness, and needs a flared or flat base to sit firmly, so check that before you buy, or pick a harness with interchangeable rings so you’re not boxed in.”
When it comes to figuring out what size and shape you should start with, Hunter says to start small. “For the dildo, start smaller and thinner than you think you need to be: When you know what you like, and you both know, you can’t go wrong,” Hunter says. “Comfort is more about width than length.”
The best strap to start with is a jock-style one, as it gives the beginner more control of their movement and depth. “I would suggest a two-strap, the jock type one, to a beginner for control. It locks in on each leg and around the waist too, so it won’t slip down the toy, and it points where you want it to,” Hunter says.
He also recommends talking about rules and boundaries beforehand. “Pre-agree on a few simple cues so you won’t have to have a long talk about slower, stop, or more during sex. The golden rule for anything anal is pretty much smooth, slow, and conversational,” he says. “Never work through pain. Anguish is your body telling you to stop, add extra lube, or call it a night.”
In addition to this, remember that clear consent and communication are essential in all sexual situations — so before bringing a strap-on into the bedroom, be sure that you and your partner have a thorough conversation about it.
And the last thing? It’s OK to laugh or be “awkward” during your first time using a strap-on. “Frankly, it’s normal to chuckle a bit awkwardly the first time,” Hunter says. “Half of being comfortable is letting it go, and ultimately, it takes two to tangle.”
So, if you’re wondering what the best beginner-friendly strap-on positions are, strap in (pun fully intended) because I’ve got you. I’ve compiled a list of five positions to try with a partner.
- Elevated missionary
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This one adds a bit of a twist to a tried-and-true position. The receiving partner lies on their back with a pillow under their hips while the giving partner gets on top and penetrates their vagina, or anus. Not only is this a perfect beginner’s position, but it also allows the two of you to kiss, wrap your arms around each other, and be intimate.
According to sex therapist and sexologist at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, this is a perfect position for a beginner. “I highly recommend starting in the missionary position as the penetration isn’t too deep,” she says. “It also makes it easy to communicate thanks to being face to face, and you can adapt the angle by positioning the legs of the one getting penetrated in different ways.”
Why it’s beginner-friendly: Elevating the receiving partner’s hips helps the giving partner dictate the speed, angle, and depth they’re going.
- Spooning
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Spooning is a position that’s both very sweet and sexy. For this one, the receiving partner lies on their sides as the giving partner lies behind them. The giving partner then enters from behind. Spooning has the added benefit of letting you get handsy and touchy with your lover.
Why it’s beginner-friendly: Spooning is a comfortable position for both partners and it doesn’t require flexibility, strength, and coordination like many other sex positions.
- Cowgirl
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What’s better than the good ol’ classic cowgirl? The giving partner lies on their backs as the receiving partner gets on top of them and rides them.
This position is great for beginners because it lets the partner on top be able to dictate the speed and depth they’re going at. “For better control, the one on top can stand on their feet instead of on their knees,” Roos says.
It also allows for some extra stimulation. “They can also rub their clit back and forth against the dildo instead of going up and down, something that gives great chances for clitoris orgasms,” Roos adds.
Why it’s beginner-friendly: Basically, this position puts the receiving partner in control. “The cowgirl as the receiver then is in full control of depth, rhythm, and tempo,” Roos says, “which creates safety and comfort especially when being new to strapping.”
- Doggy style
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Doggy style is another popular position that’s perfect for a first-time strap-on user. For this position, the receiving partner gets on all fours while the giving partner kneels behind them and peentrates from behind.
“If you’d like some variation and want to try something new when feeling more comfortable, then the classic doggy style is a great choice,” Roos says. “Both the one penetrating and the one receiving can set the tempo and rhythm; the one being penetrated can easily stimulate their clitoris with a wand vibrator, and you can vary the angle by swaying.”
Why it’s beginner-friendly: Being on their knees and grabbing the receiving partner’s hips gives the giving partner more stability and more control over the speed and how deep they’re going.
- Upright kneeling
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This position might require a bit more core strength, but it’s still beginner friendly! The receiving partner kneels in front of the giving partner, and the giving partner enters them from behind, grabbing the receiving partner’s hips.
Why it’s beginner-friendly: This position doesn’t require much balance and grants both partners stability.
Remember to take things slow, communicate, use lots and lots of lube, and most of all, have fun! Using a strap-on for the first time doesn’t have to be a scary or serious experience; it is, after all, meant to be a fun way to spice things up in bed. Happy strapping!