It’s hard to imagine anything worse than a breakup. Tears, tubs of ice cream, lots of processing (and talking about) your feelings… rinse, repeat. One thing that just might top that: going back to school while going through a breakup. Trust me, friends — not only have I been there, but so have many of your peers, too. Unfortunately, I don’t have the solution to this phenomenon that occurs between summertime and heartbreak, but what I can do is provide you with a little bit of support from your fellow Gen Z besties that will make this period of time more bearable.
Back-to-school season already comes with so much baggage on its own — preparing, planning, moving, and of course, adjusting. With every new school year comes a new set of changes, which can be so overwhelming to begin with. Add a fresh breakup to that, and you just might have your very own recipe for D1-level crashout. The good news (I know, that seems kind of counterintuitive) is that with heartache comes support. One thing that going back to school will always provide you with is community — including friends, neighbors, and classmates who have been in your very shoes at one point.
Luckily for you, you aren’t going into this new chapter alone. You’d be surprised how many of your peers have had to trek through campus buildings, choking back tears while deleting photos of their ex. I’m not letting you go into this season feeling uncertain. I’m bringing you five expert-level pieces of advice from your fellow Gen Zers who have had to go through the same thing that you are now. So sit back, grab your favorite snack (and maybe your comfort blanket), and get ready to take some notes, bestie.
Elena, 22: “Make new memories in places that are hard to return to. Take a friend and create joy.”
One of the hardest parts about returning to campus after a breakup is having to revisit places where you’ve made memories with your ex. Coffee shops, buildings on campus, bars, parks — all of the different places you once enjoyed with that person can still be enjoyed now, in this new chapter of your life. Elena’s advice? “Bring your bestie or someone you feel comfortable with,” she says. “Make it a special outing — dress up, go to that coffee shop you’ve been avoiding, and take Insta-worthy pictures together.” Now you have new memories — and new pics for your feed! It’s a win-win, really.
Stephanie, 23: “Block them, block them, and block them again!”
It can be so easy to go back to what’s comfortable and feels easier: that one person who was your person for so long. When school kicks back into gear, it feels like all you want is your person to lean on for comfort and support. If possible, create enough distance between you and them so you’re not tempted to go back to them when times get tough. Reach out to your friends and family instead. Stephanie recommends, “Utilize resources on campus that are there for you: workshops, counseling, etc. Do whatever you need to do to find that support — just don’t fall back into old patterns.”
Trina, 22: “Take long walks around campus and really get to know the community.”
If you went into college in a relationship or found yourself in one not too long after entering your freshman year, chances are, there is so much you haven’t discovered about your school. Although it’s not always the case, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in your significant other and prioritize them above things that you’d normally enjoy, especially as you get more serious. “Visit the places on campus you had never seen before,” Trina says. “Look into new organizations and clubs. Take walks and listen to podcasts. It’ll open your mind up and make you feel less isolated.”
Nina, 21: “Say yes to everything. Do it for the plot.”
This piece of advice I can personally vouch for. When you’re fresh out of a relationship, especially in college, you’re seeking new ways of filling your time and enjoying life all without that one person by your side. It can be so easy to want to lie in bed with a bag of pretzel sticks and your emotional support stuffed animal (speaking from experience), but too much of that can lead to a state of depression, which is even harder to get out of. Let yourself grieve, sure — but also let yourself try new things, especially with people you trust and are comfortable with.
“Say yes to parties and going out with friends,” Nina advises. “Say yes to last-minute plans, like going thrifting or to a restaurant. If you’re ready, say yes to going on first dates. Say yes to everything you can. Chances are, you won’t regret it; you’ll actually be thankful you did it.”
Lola, 21: “Soak in every moment of sadness, and start living your life for you.”
Ignoring your feelings or pushing them away can feel better temporarily, but it will never work long-term. Not to sound cliche, but feel your feelings. That’s the only way you will process them and be able to move on. It sucks, and it takes a while, but there’s beauty in the journey, too. Befriend your new feelings, your new experiences, and make them a part of your life.
As much as it hurts, you are able to show yourself so much love by being there for yourself and allowing those feelings to come and go. This is what builds trust and confidence within yourself, especially when hardships (inevitably) rear their ugly head again later on in life. “Once you start taking ownership of your feelings, and become responsible for them, you really start to live for yourself,” Lola says. “You can accept them and appreciate them as they are, because they are a part of you and your experience.”
Whether your breakup was last week or last semester, there are always going to be feelings that arise as you head back to college. Being as prepared as you can is the ultimate act of self-love, ensuring that you will be able to fight any battle that comes your way. Scope out your resources, your support systems, and your future plans, and document them along the way. As much as your person was a big chapter of your life, you have the power to make this a new chapter — one full of self-discovery and love.
All names have been changed for privacy.