Let’s be honest — we’ve all had that one friend that you never see because they’re always with their boyfriend. Whether they’re cancelling plans to get dinner with him, or never have any free time because they spend all of it with their partner, it can feel so frustrating.
But what do you do when you get a boyfriend and suddenly become that person? It’s easy to let your partner take priority over everything else, but honestly, is this healthy? We all know how amazing being in love feels, but losing friendships and never having time for yourself… not so much. Maybe you’re dressing a certain way because your BF likes it, or cutting off friends to make more time for him. Either way, it’s time to put this behavior behind you.
This year, we’re flipping the script and decentering men in our romantic relationships. But, what does this actually mean? It’s about prioritizing our own needs, desires, and goals above the expectation that your partner should be your “entire world.” Of course, that doesn’t mean neglecting your relationship — it just means creating a healthier balance.
“Decentering men in romantic relationships means shifting the focus from prioritizing a man’s needs to [shifting to] an equal approach where both partners are valued simultaneously,” dating expert Emma Hathron explains. “It’s critical to never put someone on a pedestal,” Hathron says. This is why it’s so important to balance both your needs and your partner’s needs, ensuring that your mental health takes priority.
Stop adapting to their preferences and start speaking up for yourself.
People unknowingly center their partner in their love lives in a variety of different ways. Whether it’s constantly changing plans or prioritizing their partner’s decisions, “it’s time to stop adapting to his preferences and start speaking up for yourself and what you want,” Hathron advises. This honestly happens all the time without even knowing it — this is exactly why it’s so important to be self aware in your relationship and ensure that you’re letting your needs take top priority.
Put yourself first in all aspects of life.
While it can seem really tricky to decenter men in your romantic relationships, especially when you want your SO to take top priority, it’s important to make sure that we’re putting ourselves first in all aspects of life. By “pinpointing the areas where [you] unintentionally place a man’s needs and desires above [your] own,” Hathron says, you can identify whether there’s an “equal say” in these sort of desires and needs. Additionally, prioritizing your own hobbies and friends is a key way to decenter men and let your needs take the lead, as Hathron explains. It’s important to recognize that other activities and people can bring joy and happiness in your life, not just your SO.
Prioritize respect, equality, and communication in your relationship.
A healthy, balanced relationship where men aren’t the priority looks like a relationship filled with respect, equality, and communication. A healthy relationship is “all about supporting one another’s personal growth and dreams and growing together as a couple,” Hathron explains. “This creates a supportive and equal foundation that allows the relationship to flourish.” By having a conversation with your partner about your needs and priorities, this is a fool-proof way to decenter men and ensure that you and your SO’s needs are both being equally met.
Remember that your SO should add value to your life, not take over it.
It can honestly be tricky to embrace your independence and sense of self while maintaining a committed relationship. As Hathron puts it, nobody wants to feel like their life revolves around one person. “Building and maintaining your self-worth and self-respect is crucial,” Hathron explains. “You must remember that you are whole and complete on your own, and this person should add value to your life, not take over it.” Setting healthy boundaries, while also maintaining your own interests may be challenging, but it’s so important to ensure that your relationship enhances your life rather than consumes it.
At the end of the day, the real love of your life is you. Decentering men doesn’t mean cutting off all men — it just means putting yourself at the top of your priority list, where you’ve always belonged.