Recognizing Your Own Red Flags

We are quick to recognize and often overlook the red flags of the people around us, whether that be in romantic or platonic relationships. The fact that you are taking the first step in trying to be better for yourself and the people around you is commendable on its own. So why is it important then to recognize your own red flags? Well, firstly, it ensures that you do not unintentionally hurt the people you care for. Secondly, it ensures you do not stay in situations or around people that do not respect you. And lastly, it allows you to strengthen your relationships and bring overall peace of mind. The most common recognizable red flags that teach you to evaluate yourself are codependency, communication issues, anger management, projection, and love bombing. Anyways, get in losers we’re healing together!

Lana Condor Peter Kavinsky GIF by NETFLIX Netflix / Giphy Codependency in relationships stems from a place of insecurity and a lack of independence, which can lead your relationships to be tiresome. Friendships revolve around the manifestation of ‘FOMO’- the fear of missing out. From what I’ve personally witnessed, 60% of people worry about their friends forgetting about them due to not being present while 30% worry about missing out on the experience. To deal with this, it is important to develop your independence and identity without constantly needing the validation and precedence of others. After taking the time to figure out what my separate interests were and taking part in them with my friends, I can promise you that this trick works! It’s important to let your friends/partner know at times, you might need to take some time for yourself. 

three silhouettes in orange sunset Photo by Levi Guzman from Unsplash

A big part of growing up is achieving introspection and cultivating your own identity. This does not mean that you should cut everyone off or ghost them for a while just so you can figure yourself out. Your partner/friends are a big supportive part of your life, and will always be there to cherish your victories with you.

Another common problem is the various manifestations of harmful projections such as through anger, communication and unnecessary fights. The root problem of projection is not a simple idea, but it depends on what hurts you and how well you’re able to not take your anger/frustration out on someone else. Instead of lashing out, try talking things out. People will feel more inclined to listen to you without you yelling or expressing passive- aggressive sentiments. 

overhead shot of a desk with someone writing in a notebook and on a video call on a computer Photo by Julia M Cameron from Pexels

Love bombing is a technique used in the early stages of getting to know someone in which the receiver is showered with love, affection and promises that would be reserved for a steady, committed relationship. It can be misleading and is generally a manipulative technique leaving the receiver feeling abandoned and neglected when someone cannot follow through or maintain the same interest first expressed. We’ve all heard of when you are the receiver but a different take to it is present too. Wanting to accept and look past red flags, is a red flag on its own. Looking through life in rose-coloured lenses is not a big problem, but it certainly can be when it begins to affect your mental health and wellbeing. For that reason, I strongly encourage you to be more firm with the things you will tolerate and those that are non-negotiable for you.

A non-negotiable idea is one that you cannot agree with. Some examples that I’ve heard from my friends over the years are people who yell when they’re angry, people who curse, and even people who don’t like sushi. As you can see, non-negotiable ideas differ for each person. This ultimately saves you from trying to make things work when you know deep down from the beginning that it’s something you cannot agree with.